In today’s cultural landscape, conversations around gender have become increasingly prevalent, even with very young children. For parents, this can feel weighty and overwhelming. Questions about identity and gender are no longer reserved for teenagers or adults; they surface in classrooms, cartoons, and peer conversations.
As Christian parents, it’s essential to thoughtfully and lovingly engage with our children on this topic. This article aims to offer awareness, encouragement, and three practical steps for introducing gender to young kids in a way that aligns with biblical truth and honors their developmental stage.
Reality & Design: Teaching Children to See the World Truthfully
Children are natural meaning-makers. Anyone who’s heard a toddler’s relentless “Why?” understands how deeply kids long to make sense of the world. One of a parent’s most important roles is guiding that discovery by providing truthful categories and helping their children interpret the world through a lens of reality.
Introducing gender shows kids reality: that there are two sexes—male and female—and that this difference is good. You can start simply by pointing out the differences between mom and dad, or brothers and sisters, reinforcing that boys and girls are both unique and wonderfully made.
This kind of conversation lays the groundwork for helping children understand that their identity isn’t something they create, but something they receive as part of God’s good design.
Identity: Celebrating God’s Good Design
Scripture tells us that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), and that when God created humanity, He declared it “very good” (Genesis 1:31, emphasis added). Gender is not an accident or mistake but part of God’s intentional design.
Children need to hear that being a boy or a girl is something good, marvelous, and worth celebrating. It’s important to affirm to your son that being a boy is a wonderful thing. Tell your daughter that God made her intentionally and beautifully to be a girl. These messages build a foundation of confidence and gratitude for who God has created them to be.
Gender ideology, which often suggests that a person can be “born in the wrong body,” contradicts the truth and biological evidence. Teaching kids early about the beauty of God’s design equips them to discern the difference between truth and feelings, between cultural trends and reality.
Conversation: Creating a Safe Place for Ongoing Dialogue
Gender and sexuality discussions are not one-time talks—they’re ongoing conversations.
Parents should aim to be the safest, most consistent place for their children to ask questions. When kids encounter confusing messages, they need to know they can come to you with honesty and curiosity.
Here are a few practical tips for ongoing conversation:
- Listen well. – Take their questions seriously and avoid overreacting. In their latest book, Raising Gender-Confident Kids: Helping Kids Embrace Their God-Given Design, Dr. Jeff and Dr. Kathy say, “We want children to know we’re really listening, not just waiting for our turn to talk.”
- Be humble and clear. – You don’t need to know all the answers, but you can point back to science-based evidence, to what God says in his Word, and that God’s intention is always for flourishing.
- Give age-appropriate responses. – You don’t need to explain everything all at once—focus on offering enough information to meet their curiosity while reinforcing the truth. If a question catches you off guard, it’s perfectly fine to respond with, “That’s a good question. I think Mommy needs to think about that a little so I can give you a good answer. What if we talk about it in a few days?” This gives you time to reflect and seek guidance. Consulting wise counsel within your church or close friends, especially from those who know your child well, can be incredibly helpful in navigating these conversations thoughtfully.
Grow in confidence. – Resources like Raising Gender-Confident Kids: Helping Kids Embrace Their God-Given Design by Dr. Jeff Myers and Dr. Kathy Koch, Our Bodies Tell God’s Story: Discovering the Divine Plan for Love, Sex, and Gender by Christopher West, and Challenging Conversations: A Practical Guide to Discuss Controversial Topics in the Church by Jason Jimenez can help parents understand how to engage with cultural topics like gender from a place of grace and truth.
Raising kids in today’s world is not easy, but it’s a calling filled with opportunity. By introducing gender through the lens of God’s design, you’re helping your children grow up with confidence in who they are, grounded in love and truth. This isn’t just about teaching facts—it’s about shaping their hearts and minds for a lifetime.
By Katie Bergford
Do you want to dive deeper into this subject? If you’re confused by today’s messages about gender and identity, you’re not alone, and we’re here to journey with you.
If you’re looking for a practical, biblically grounded resource that helps parents guide their children toward a positive understanding of their gender, check out Raising Gender-Confident Kids: Helping Kids Embrace Their God-Given Design by Dr. Jeff Myers and Dr. Kathy Koch. Also, be sure to check out Summit’s latest podcast, Upside-Down Parenting, where we explore what it looks like to raise your kids according to Jesus’ transformative, upside-down, countercultural way of life.