New Year’s resolutions—they never stick. Invariably, we miss a day, fail, and eventually forget about or give up on the majority of our resolutions. After years of failing to live up to our January aspirations, the idea of making New Year’s goals may seem futile. We may as well not try anymore, we might think.
Giving up can seem appealing. After all, we should not expect to become perfect through our own efforts. Yet at the same time, God calls us to pursue excellence and become more like him (Colossians 3:23, 1 John 2:6). So, perhaps giving up altogether is not entirely Christian. There is no particular reason to wait until New Year’s to look at the areas of our lives we want to improve. Yet, starting the new year by taking stock of who we are and who we are becoming is undoubtedly not a bad idea. Why not take a good look at how we want to improve at least once a year? January first is as good a time as any.
Rather than giving up entirely or imposing goals upon ourselves that we know we will never meet, there is a third way. It is a practice observed in many places and in many ways throughout the history of the church. We could call it by many different names. We could call it liturgy, Christian rhythms of life, or—with a nod to Christian monastic traditions—a “Rule of Life.”
The Rule of Life in Christian Tradition
Historically, a Rule of Life was a set of rules and principles that guided the communal life of a monastery or convent. Monks and nuns would organize their lives together by a particular Rule, such as the influential sixth-century Rule of St. Benedict. Although Rules of Life included instructions for discipline and restrictions against certain types of behaviors and activities, they were far more than a list of dos and don’ts. The goal of any Rule was to help bring the community closer to God.
While Rules were stringent in some areas, they recognized people’s weaknesses in others. St. Benedict acknowledged that your Rule of Life could look a little different depending on who you are and the circumstances you live under. No one was expected to act perfectly at all times.1 As people matured, what was expected of each person expanded. As St. Benedict explains in his Rule, “each age level of understanding ought to have an appropriate measure of discipline.”2
Rules of Life provided a form of accountability within Christian communities, helping each member continue to strive to become more Christlike.
More than a list of goals to achieve and consequences for failures, the Rules of Life were a rhythm or pattern in which to live.
Why a Rule of Life? Simple Rhythms of Christianity
Although there are still monastic communities that live by the ancient Rules, you are unlikely to come across many Christians who adhere strictly to the Rules of St. Benedict or St. Basil. Nevertheless, the idea of a Rule of Life can still be a helpful concept for living faithful Christian lives.
The Christian life today can often feel like a list of dos and don’ts. Rather than truly transforming us into the image of Christ (2 Corinthians 3:18), our efforts lead us into despair or legalism, and we don’t end up looking all that much more like Christ. Our best efforts can seem futile, just like our New Year’s resolutions.
Yet the New Testament clearly indicates that we are supposed to be actively and continually transformed into being more like Christ. Perhaps if we think of a Rule of Life as a rhythm or pattern to live in rather than a goal to achieve, we can more successfully progress, bit by bit, in our transformation to be more like Christ, without a feeling of guilt or worry that we are not yet as good as we think we should be.
It has been repeatedly shown that growth (physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual) occurs through repeated, often imperfect, efforts over time—not sudden, momentous exertion of willpower.3 A New Year’s resolution to completely change an action, attitude, or habit at the drop of a hat is nearly always doomed to fail. Just because we really wish that we could change something about ourselves doesn’t mean we’ll be able to do it (Romans 7:18). A belief that we should be able to change bad habits or sin through mere willpower is likely only to add a burden of shame.
A Rule of Life recognizes that it takes time to grow, spiritually and otherwise.
What a Family Rule of Life Might Look Like
Your family could adopt a Rule of Life that, like early Christian communities, could help you keep one another accountable to your intent to grow closer to God. A Rule could help model to your children faithfulness to Christ, with a posture of seeking to grow to be more like God without expecting immediate growth or perfection. Through ideas and actions, a Rule can demonstrate a life deeply impacted by rhythms that bring you closer to Christ.
What might such a Rule look like in the 21st century? Here are three examples of what your family’s Rule of Life could include.
- The Rule: Tech-Free Times. Choose two evenings a week to be tech-free—no phones, no computers, no television. Whether tech-free times are “family time,” “alone time,” or a bit of both could depend on what your family needs.
The Reason: A life constantly inundated with tech distracts us from everything—including God. Shutting off tech regularly, even for just a couple of hours, is a great way to build a habit of slowing down, paying attention, and becoming comfortable with silence and stillness. Our inability to slow down can get in the way of connecting with God. As Dallas Willard observed, “the forces [of technology] direct our feelings, imagery, thinking, and beliefs against the world of Jesus and his Father and against the profound needs and hungers of the human soul.”4 Shutting off tech for a few hours could be one of the most spiritual things you can do. - The Rule: Sabbath Practice. Choose a period of time or a whole day to practice intentional rest and worship in which nothing has to be “accomplished.”
The Reason: Life can feel like constantly running from one thing to the next. Cultivating intentional time in which we don’t have to achieve anything reminds us that our worth is because we are made in God’s image, and does not come from what we do. Although work is a gift from God and he created us to work (Genesis 2:15), our ultimate purpose is to love and enjoy God (Psalm 37:4). We can enjoy God through directly connecting with him or through the beauty he has created. 
The Rule: Financial Generosity Practice. Identify a few ways to give of your finances that impact those around you. This could mean donating to a local organization you can also volunteer with, spending a little extra on groceries to make a nice meal and have someone over for dinner, or giving up something you’d typically buy to support a cause that matters.
The Reason: We often think of generosity just as giving money to charities we will likely never see in action. Generously using our finances in ways we can actively participate in blessing others gives us a tangible reminder of how generosity impacts others. It also reminds us of God’s generosity toward us (2 Corinthians 9:8). Habits of generosity teach us to hold our material blessings loosely and to remember that everything ultimately belongs to God. Demonstrating and inviting children into rhythms of generosity can help teach kids they are stewards of God’s gifts.
These are just a few examples of rhythms that could be added into your family’s Rule of Life. You might be able to think of even better ones that would be of greater help to your family!
Conclusion
When we choose to follow Christ, we are buried with him, and then rise with him in new life (Romans 6:4). We put the old things away so that we can fully participate in the new and wondrous life that Christ invites us into (2 Corinthians 5:17, Ephesians 4:20–24). As we start the new year, we can ask ourselves, what old habits do we want to put to death, and what new habits can we raise to life?
Rather than attempt superficial or self-centered improvement goals, we can use the new year as an opportunity to ask how we can re-commit ourselves to striving to become more Christlike through a shared family Rule of Life.
We will do well to remember that a Rule of Life is a process of growth over time, not an immediate or one-time fix to help break a bad habit or become a better person. St. Benedict ends his famous Rule by noting that it is “only a start” on the way to holiness. He admonishes his reader that they should be “hurrying towards the heavenly country” so that they may “at last reach the great heights of wisdom and virtue.”5 We should realize that we have not arrived at perfection and should not expect ourselves to reach it quickly.