The house was finally still. The kids were in bed, and I sat down with my twice-reheated cup of tea in hand. With a bit of exhaustion mingled with excitement, I was ready for some much-needed quiet with no one pulling on me.
No sooner had I settled in to relax than the old familiar pang of guilt came flooding in. I shouldn’t be so excited and ready for time to myself! My children are a blessing, and I’m fortunate to have them, and yet . . . the guilt came rolling in. I replayed in my mind all my failures of the day—how I had lost my patience, how the kids’ screen time was up that afternoon, the way I approached our homework session that evening, and the fact that I had opted for store-bought Valentine’s Day boxes for the kids rather than making them by hand. My anticipated moment of rest was ruthlessly invaded by an old, familiar foe—mom guilt.
What is Mom Guilt?
Mom guilt. It’s a phrase that seems to defy a clear definition, yet every mom knows exactly what it means. It carries weight for the individual and elicits empathy among those who belong to that beautiful, messy club called motherhood.
Mom guilt doesn’t discriminate. It impacts new moms and grandmothers, working moms and stay-at-home moms, adoptive moms and stepmoms. Ask ten moms what mom guilt is, and while you may not get a precise definition, you’ll get a knowing look that says, “Oh, I’ve been there too.”
It’s not a clinical term, but it’s a familiar emotional reality—a blend of love, fear, and self-doubt that can sneak into our most joyful moments. Mom guilt is that quiet but persistent voice whispering, “You should be doing more,” or “You messed that up again.” It arrives when children are young and takes up long-term residence, often staying long after all the kids have moved out.
A Biblical View of Motherhood
As a young mom, I heard the phrase “mom guilt” and immediately related to it. I wish I could say I handled it well—but I didn’t. I did what so many mothers do: I let the term itself become a catch-all excuse for not digging deeper into what was actually going on in my heart.
Failing to deeply engage with mom guilt leads to a way of living that is very unlike what God intended.
Living with the weight of mom guilt places us at the center of our story, rather than recognizing that every aspect of our existence falls within a comprehensive, beautiful God-story.
Creation – God’s good design for mankind is defined and recorded in the early chapters of Genesis. God created us for human flourishing, also expressed as shalom. Shalom is a Hebrew word that is much more complex and beautiful than the English translation we find in our Bibles: “peace.” It is a picture of a beautiful life where there is right relationship between us and God, as well as among us as fellow image-bearers. This was God’s good design.
Motherhood is a gift from God. In his mercy, he allows women to participate in one of the most sacred acts humans experience—creation. In motherhood, we catch a glimpse of divine, parental love—the kind that feels like your heart is walking around outside your body. It’s a living picture of God’s goodness and love for us. The parental connection helps us better understand God’s love and the relationship he desires with us.
Fall – We know what happened in the fall—Eve, the serpent, and the fruit. But what was their underlying desire and thought process? Mankind decided self-rule was better than God’s design. Perhaps they thought, I can do this better than God. Or, I can do this on my own. Or, I need to do it my way. (Ouch. Does this sound familiar?)
Since the Fall, even the best gifts have been tainted. Though motherhood began as a joyful participation in God’s creative work, it can easily become tangled in anxiety, performance, and identity. We were made to nurture life, but often we end up nurturing unhealthy things along the way. Things like unrealistic expectations, comparison, and social media messaging.
Redemption – But God, in his mercy and kindness, sent his son, Jesus, to stoop down and become the ultimate atonement sacrifice for us. In his grace, he invited us to continue his redemptive work as God’s image bearers, reigning, ruling, creating, and restoring all things for his glory.
Motherhood is a practice of engaging in redemptive work.
Not only are we constantly pushing back against the brokenness of the world around us, but we are also working to restore a state of shalom in our household, community, and beyond.
Restoration – Our time here on Earth is “few of days and full of trouble” (Job 14:1), but through Jesus’ redemptive work, all things will be restored to the way things should be. On this side of heaven, we will always be pushing back against the effects of the fall. We have assurance and a hope of things to come. So, with our eye on the finish line, we can intentionally run the race—including how we navigate mom guilt.
The promise of future restoration does not release us from engaging in the current reality that we face.
What Can We Do About Mom Guilt?
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” — Matthew 22:37
When we feel guilt, God doesn’t just ask us to numb it or hand it off thoughtlessly. He invites us to bring our minds into the process—to examine our feelings of guilt, guiding us toward an appropriate response.
Here’s one helpful way to walk through mom guilt biblically. I like to call it the three “R’s”: Revisit, Revise, and Respond.
Revisit
Start by revisiting what happened that triggered your guilt. Was it something you said? Something you didn’t do? Something someone implied? Psalm 139:23–24 invites us to pray, “Search me, O God, and know my heart.”
When we invite the Holy Spirit into that reflection, he helps us see whether our guilt is conviction—or simply pressure from the world and its ways of thinking.
Revise
Next, revise your perspective. Ask, Are my feelings valid? Guilt comes from believing we did something wrong, but our emotions can deceive us. Sometimes the guilt is real—sometimes it’s not.
When we break one of God’s clear commandments or struggle with behavior that is the opposite of the fruits of the Spirit, then we have something to deal with.
But if God has not condemned you, you have no reason to condemn yourself.
I don’t know who needs to hear this, but there is no “Thou shalt have a perfectly aesthetic home at all times” command in the Bible. (Can I get an amen!)
Sometimes we carry “counterfeit guilt.” It feels real, but there’s no true wrong underneath it. Ask God for wisdom to discern which kind you’re carrying.
Respond
Finally, respond with grace and truth. Once you’ve revisited and revised your thinking, decide how to move forward.
Maybe you need to apologize to your child or spouse. Maybe you need to release unrealistic expectations and rest in God’s goodness. Responding doesn’t always mean doing more—sometimes it means doing less. It might look like setting new boundaries, slowing down to enjoy your family, or simply refusing to rehearse past failures in your mind.
Philippians 3:13–14 encourages us to “forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.”
Responding in faith allows guilt to become a source of growth rather than a burden.
A Closing Word of Hope
Mom guilt loses its grip when our identity rests in Christ rather than in our performance. The God who entrusted us with motherhood also equips us for this good calling. His grace covers our shortcomings and transforms guilt into gratitude.
The goal isn’t to be a perfect mom—it’s to be a present, grace-filled one who reflects the love of a perfect Father.
So when mom guilt whispers that you’re not enough, remember: you were never meant to be enough on your own. God’s strength is made perfect in weakness—and his grace is sufficient for you.
By Dr. Maggie Pope