Every Christian parent trusts that their children will receive Christ, love God, and live obediently. It is our responsibility to do everything within our power to ensure it happens. We take our calling seriously because nothing is more important than helping our children know God’s love. Our work and responsibilities, and their grades, sports, and activities, do not matter nearly as much from an eternal perspective. So we take time to pray with them as we tuck them into bed at night. We bring them to church so they can hear the Bible taught and build friendships with other believers. We strive to live lives that honor God and demonstrate wisdom in our decision-making.
But at some level, we also wonder if any of our efforts are having an impact. Research by the Barna Group indicates that 73% of American parents are concerned about their children’s spiritual development, while 43% of Christian parents report being very concerned that their children may not remain true to their faith.
Thankfully, research also indicates that parents do make a difference in their children’s spiritual growth. A Pew Research survey reported that 82% of Protestant Christian parents had teenagers who were also Protestant Christian. Furthermore, a significant body of research suggests a strong connection between parents’ faith practices and those of their adult children.
The statistics give us hope that we can make a serious impact on our children’s beliefs simply by holding firmly to our own beliefs when we are with them.
This idea is echoed in the Shemah, which reminds us we should teach God’s principles to our children “when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (Deuteronomy 6:7). In other words, we must work our faith into the everyday rhythms of family life. But how, exactly, do we do so? Let’s consider three key ways we can model our faith for our children every day.
Model Christlike Behavior During Times of Difficulty
Children rarely learn simply through our instruction. They learn by imitation. Dr. D.W. Erkstrand noted, “Children learn most of their behavior from their parents; they end up doing what their parents do, rather than what their parents say they should do.”1 This is common wisdom, of course, so if we want our children to love and obey Jesus, we must show them what that looks like in our own lives. Children watch how we respond when life becomes stressful, worrisome, or frustrating. They file away the words we speak when discouraged, the way we treat those who disagree with us, and how we handle moments of weakness or temptation to sin. Every reaction not only reveals something about our character but also tells a story about the God we represent.
Modeling Christlike behavior means demonstrating humility, grace, courage, and faith in all circumstances so our children can ultimately imitate God (Ephesians 5:1).
Demonstrate Repentance
Despite our best efforts, we will not handle every situation correctly. What we do when we fall short matters. Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin comment, “A major factor of your integrity will be your ability to repent quickly, easily, and thoroughly.”2 Repentance is central to the gospel (Luke 13:3, 1 John 1:9). When we confess our sins, not only to God but also to those we hurt, we teach our children an important lesson: the Christian faith is not the pursuit of perfection but of continual reliance on God’s grace. When we forgive, we demonstrate its importance. When we repent, we acknowledge our need for it. In particular, when we apologize to our children, we show them that no one is beyond making mistakes, and everyone, even those in authority, needs grace and mercy.
Cultivate Loving Connections
Children learn from us most intently when they know they are loved. Chandler and Griffen comment on this dynamic: “Modeling [our faith] requires a close, loving relationship with those you hope to lead and influence.”3
Children mostly come to know God’s love through their experience of our love toward them.
Do we listen patiently when they have asked a dozen questions during a ten-minute car ride? Do we respond with kindness to their continual requests to play more video games or stay up late again? Do we lend a hand or pass judgment when they ask for help with homework at the last minute? Every action we take towards our children communicates either love or disinterest, support or disdain. When we show our children that they are truly loved and that they matter to us more than anything, they get a glimpse of God’s love for them. When parents don’t communicate love and value, children will struggle to believe that God cares about them, too.
Ultimately, our children’s first and most memorable impression of God’s character will come from our own reflection of it. Modeling Christlike behavior means showing our children what it looks like to trust and honor God in times of hardship. Repenting when we have wronged someone and offering forgiveness when someone wrongs us is essential, as well. If our grace can be bigger than someone’s shortcomings, certainly God’s can be bigger than our gravest sins. Finally, demonstrating our love for our children in all circumstances gives them every reason to believe that God, who is infinitely more patient and kind than we are on our best days, loves them even more.
No parent will ever model Christ’s character perfectly, but perfection is not the goal. Faithfulness is living our lives before our children’s eyes in such a way that they see that we belong to Christ and they can, too. When they observe us praying during hardship, confessing our sins, forgiving freely, and loving one another, they see evidence of a transformed life. Our consistent examples give them something concrete to follow every day as they learn for themselves what it means to follow God. And with God’s help, they will discover for themselves the great joy that comes only from trusting the Savior who loves them endlessly.