One of the fundamental questions of human existence is “Who am I?” Our understanding of our identity shapes our beliefs, feelings, and actions. New Testament scholar Klyne Snodgrass thus holds that we must take the question of identity seriously: “It is the most important question, and in some ways the only question. You will focus on identity. The question is whether you will focus on identity well or poorly.”1
For this discussion, we’ll sometimes use the term identity in a subjective sense to mean a person’s self-understanding. In other places, we’ll use the term in an objective sense to mean what’s true about us, regardless of what we may believe or feel. It should be clear from the context which meaning is used.
The issue of identity is paramount in American culture today. Pastor Jonathan Cruse rightly observes that a “person’s identity, or their particular mode of self-expression, is sacred in our current context. There is nothing more important, our society says, than allowing people to identify themselves in whatever way they see fit.”2
Part of maturing as a believer is intentionally viewing our identity through the lens of Scripture and the Christian worldview. As with other aspects of our sanctification, this is a lifelong process that we must regularly revisit. Christian parents have the added challenge of helping their children navigate these difficult waters, especially during the teen years.
To help parents guide their children in forming their identities, we’ll explore two key theological foundations for this and two common approaches to avoid. Last, I’ll suggest practical ways parents can encourage their kids in this area and help them understand who they are in light of God’s Word.
Two False Foundations of Identity
Before we discuss the theological foundations of identity, we’ll consider two mistaken approaches that our culture heavily emphasizes today. The first is looking for answers within us, and the second is looking for answers around us.
Looking Within
We can hardly listen to a song, watch a movie or television show, or hear a celebrity interview in which we aren’t instructed to “Follow your heart,” “Be yourself,” or “You do you.” New Testament scholar Brian Rosner captures our zeitgeist well:
Most people today believe that there is only one place to look to find yourself, and that is inward. Personal identity is a do-it-yourself project. All forms of external authority are to be rejected, and everyone’s quest for self-expression should be celebrated. This strategy of identity formation, sometimes labelled expressive individualism, is the view that you are who you feel yourself to be on the inside and that acting in accordance with this identity constitutes living authentically.3
It’s important to note that this critique doesn’t mean that God chooses to ignore or erase our individual personalities and interests, since many of these are God’s design for us (see, for example, Psalm 139:13–16; Jeremiah 1:5). Rather than eliminating our personalities, God desires to be glorified through our personalities.4
The great error of attempting to look within to find our identities is that God created us, and we can only understand ourselves in relation to God and his purposes.
We should live examined lives—as Paul instructed, “Watch your life and doctrine closely” (1 Timothy 4:16)—but to learn who we ultimately are, we have to look outside ourselves to the one who made us in his image, a topic we’ll revisit below.
Looking Around
Along with searching inside ourselves, culture tells us that we should find our identities in what we do, what we have, and what others think about us. We should attempt to achieve good things, material possessions do have their place, and it would be foolish to dismiss the opinions of everyone around us. But we cannot look to these things to tell us who we are, or hope to find lasting satisfaction in them. As Timothy Keller points out, “The human heart takes good things like a successful career, love, material possessions, even family, and turns them into ultimate things. Our hearts deify them as the center of our lives, because, we think, they can give us significance and security, safety and fulfillment.”5
If we allow any of these good things to take precedence over our allegiance to God, they become idols. As with our personalities, God’s goal is not to remove these things from our lives, but for us to use them to glorify him and do the work of his kingdom. As Paul instructed, “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).
Two Theological Foundations of Identity
Pastor and counselor Jonathan Holmes is undoubtedly correct that “The greatest problem our kids are facing regarding the issue of identity is this: an anemic and even nonexistent notion of who the Lord is and what he has called us to be.”6 Christian parents have the privilege and challenge of communicating these truths to their children. This is more important than ever as culture becomes increasingly post-Christian and anti-Christian ideas hold sway in society.
Two theological concepts are especially important in relation to our identities as humans and as Christians—that we are made in God’s image, and that we are in Christ. We’ll briefly consider each below.
Made in God’s Image
Scripture doesn’t elaborate on what it means that we are made in God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27), but scholars have uncovered a multiplicity of meanings and implications.7 Among these, I’ll mention three.
The first is that we were made for the purpose of having a relationship with God. God had regular fellowship with Adam and Eve in the garden (Genesis 3:8–9). The fact that we are created beings made by a loving God in order to know and love him is foundational for our identity (Jeremiah 9:24, Matthew 22:36–38, Revelation 21:3). Among other things, this means that we possess intrinsic value and should be treated, and treat others, accordingly (James 3:9–10). It also means that everything else in life should be subordinated to our relationship with God (Matthew 6:33).
Second, we were made to have loving relationships with other human beings. This is reflected in the biblical commands to love our neighbor as ourselves (Leviticus 19:18, Mark 12:30–31). A corollary of this is the Golden Rule: “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12). Only in community do we experience the fullness of our humanity.
Finally, we were made to exercise our creativity to bring goodness to the earth. This is implied in Genesis 1:26–28, which theologians have termed the cultural mandate. J. R. R. Tolkien notably referred to humans as “sub-creators” who reflect God’s own ability to create.8
We are called to use the gifts and abilities God has given us to bring forth truth, goodness, and beauty into his creation.
While we can’t explore this in detail here, our creation in God’s image strongly contrasts with the prevailing naturalistic story of our culture in which humans are accidental byproducts of purposeless material processes. Richard Dawkins gives perhaps the best summary of this view: “The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil and no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.”9 Christian parents can be encouraged that they have a message of goodness, hope, and life to share with their children that contrasts with the nihilism of our day.
In Christ
The term “in Christ” and related terms like “in him” occur more than 150 times in the New Testament.10 Author Jerry Bridges helpfully summarizes the importance of this phrase:
The term “in Christ” is the apostle Paul’s shorthand expression for being united to Christ . . . . Clearly this is an important concept in Paul’s theology. And it should be an important concept for us because all the remaining answers to the question, “Who am I?” are based upon the fact that we are in Christ, or we are united to Christ.
When we are born again, we are united with Christ and so closely associated with him that we are said to be “clothed . . . with Christ” (Galatians 3:27). In John 15:5, Jesus likened this relationship to a vine (Jesus) and its branches (us) . When we accept Christ, we immediately receive a new identity. Paul declares, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
As a result of being united with Christ, the believer receives numerous benefits that define his or her new identity. Naturally, these characteristics take precedence over and supersede any earthly attributes we might look to to establish our identities. Entire books have been written on these qualities, so we can only scratch the surface here, but they include the following. Because we are in Christ, we are:
- Adopted into God’s family (Romans 8:15)
- A citizen of heaven (Philippians 3:20)
- God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10)
- A temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19)
- A member of Christ’s body (1 Corinthians 12:27)
- Victorious (Romans 8:37)
- Forgiven (Romans 8:1)
- Redeemed (1 Peter 1:18)
- Reconciled with God (Colossians 1:21–22).
These qualities are the foundation upon which we should build our identities. For a follower of Christ, these are the truest things about us.11 As mentioned earlier, reminding ourselves of our true identity is a lifelong process.
The onslaught of erroneous messages from the world requires frequently revisiting who we truly are.
As Timothy Keller observes, “Christian maturing is a process in which the most fundamental layer of our identity becomes our self-understanding as a new creature in Christ along with all our privileges in him.”12
How Parents Can Help
Jonathan Holmes is correct in saying that parents “play the formative role in the development of their child’s identity. Whether we like it or not, our voice is often the loudest voice in our child’s heart and mind as they seek to figure out who they are.”13
Moses’ instruction to the Israelites is especially relevant when it comes to teaching our children: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:6–7).
Holmes recommends the following practical steps parents can take to help form their children’s Christian identities:14
- Regularly remind your child of truths about who they are—they are created by God, loved by God, and known by God.
- Provide them with Christian media (music, movies, videos) that reinforce biblical messages about who God is and who they are.
- Pray with your children and for your children that they will grow in their relationship with Christ.
- Find ordinary moments in your child’s day where you can remind them of your unconditional love for them.
- Consider working together through a devotional, catechism, or book series that reinforces and reminds them of biblical truth.
To this, I’ll add that it’s tremendously influential on children to observe their parents model what it looks like to base their identities on the Christian faith rather than what’s promoted by our secular, misguided culture.
Raising Gender-Confident Kids by Dr. Jeff Myers and Dr. Kathy Koch is a practical, biblically grounded guide to help parents navigate today’s gender confusion. With truth, compassion, and clarity, it equips families to anchor children in their God-given identity. Ideal for parents and mentors who want to raise kids confident in who they are—rooted in Scripture, not shifting culture. Navigate gender confusion with truth, hope, and biblical wisdom.
Also, be sure to check out Summit’s latest podcast, Upside-Down Parenting, where we explore what it looks like to raise your kids according to Jesus’ transformative, upside-down, countercultural way of life.
Christopher L. Reese (MDiv, ThM) is the founder and editor of The Worldview Bulletin and a general editor of the Dictionary of Christianity and Science (Zondervan) and Three Views on Christianity and Science (Zondervan). He is the author of 100 Old Testament Quotes by Jesus: How Christ Used the Hebrew Scriptures (Rose/Tyndale), and his articles have appeared in Christianity Today, The Christian Post, Bible Gateway, Beliefnet, the C. S. Lewis Institute, and other sites.