The Special Needs Parent: A Guide to the Life You Never Expected w/ Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini, | Ep. 54

Episode 54: Summary & Transcript

Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Episode Summary

Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini share how their 45-year journey raising their eldest child Joey, who has significant special needs due to a brain malformation and related conditions, has shaped their marriage, their daughters, and their faith, leading them to embrace “the life you never expected” with intentional teamwork, sacrificial love, and dependence on God’s grace. They highlight the importance of practical support and inclusion from churches and communities, urging believers to move beyond vague offers of help to specific acts of service in order to ensure that special needs families are welcomed and discipled rather than left isolated or driven away from the church.

Episode Transcript

Janel Greig (00:01):
Parenting rarely unfolds exactly as we imagine, and for families caring for a child with special needs, the journey can be filled with unique joys, challenges, and unexpected realities. The demands can feel overwhelming at times, bringing questions about marriage, finances, faith, and the future. Yet even in the midst of these challenges, God is at work providing grace, strength, and purpose for the road ahead.

In this episode of Upside Down Parenting, we are honored to be joined by Dr. Joe and Cindi Ferrini, parents who have spent more than 40 years caring for a child with special needs, and authors of The Special Needs Parent: A Guide to the Life You Never Expected.

Together, we’re going to discuss how parents can embrace this unexpected journey, celebrate their loved one, experience a thriving life themselves, and serve with excellence and Christ-like love. Their wisdom offers hope and practical encouragement for anyone seeking to faithfully navigate the unique calling of special needs parenting. Joe and Cindi, thank you for joining us today. Welcome to the show. Matt and I are thrilled to have you here.

Cindi Ferrini (01:12):
Great, thank you so much. We’re happy to be here.

Janel Greig (01:15):
For those who may not know your story, can you start by telling us about your family, your child, and what the journey of special needs parenting has looked like over the last 40 years?

Cindi Ferrini (01:26):
Well, we’ve been married for almost 47 years.

Dr. Matt Jones (01:30):
Way to go.

Cindi Ferrini (01:32):
Yeah, we’re going for the gold, right?

Dr. Matt Jones (01:34):
There you go. That’s awesome.

Cindi Ferrini (01:35):
That’s the goal. Our son is soon to be 45 next month actually. And we have two daughters who are wonderful young ladies who live in the area. They have their own families nearby, so that’s wonderful. We have five grandchildren. And with Joey, the thing that I think is probably most important to understand is that he’ll always be with us. The girls have offered both of them to take Joey some day, so we have that reassurance, which is a wonderful, wonderful thing that we feel very blessed to have their willingness.

But along the way, Joey was expected to be a normal baby in terms of typically developing. Nothing showed any concerns in my pregnancy at all. I had a good pregnancy. But when he was born, I had a rough delivery, but that was not the reason for his disabilities and his diagnoses. Actually, his diagnosis is pachygyria and it is a brain malformation.

(02:44):
And so that happened at some place along the way in utero. And so he was born, actually, he was due the 27th of July, and he was born the 28th. So I went into labor right on the day he was due. How about that? So everything went, started out great, through the pregnancy. Really well.

And so it was just along the way that we saw that he was not making the milestones that all the other children around us, friends and their kids, and it was pretty obvious. And then right around four to six months, we started thinking something is not quite going right here. And that’s kind of where the story unfolds.

Janel Greig (03:31):
Are your daughters older than him?

Cindi Ferrini (03:33):
They’re younger. They’re younger. Two younger.

Janel Greig (03:36):
He’s the oldest then. Gotcha.

Cindi Ferrini (03:36):
Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (03:38):
And then do you mind, Joe and/or Cindi, developing a little bit more how the story unfolded as a result of that?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (03:47):
Sure. Well, you got to keep in mind, this was 45 years ago. And so the medical legal culture that we lived in at the time was doctors really did not want to come up front a little bit and talk about these things. And so Cindi, being creative like she is, she actually went to the library and she picked up an old book.

Cindi Ferrini (04:07):
It was a really old book. It was from the 1950s, and he was born in 1981. And when I read this book, it was on special needs basically, and on mental retardation, which was the way that it was diagnosed, he was diagnosed. And still, we still think it’s a great word as long as it’s not used negatively because he is mentally slow.

But when I saw this book, I was just shocked because I thought what I’m reading, even though he’s young, I see where we’re headed. And so I gave the book to Joe to read, and then I’ll let you pick that up from there. Yeah.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (04:53):
So I did a little research into looking at the symptoms that my son had and began to identify what is it that aligns with Joey’s symptoms. And then we went to the doctor. And so both of us went to the doctor’s office and I said, basically, this is what I think my son has. He has cerebral palsy. He’s going to be mentally challenged. He’s going to probably have epilepsy and a host of other different things.

Cindi Ferrini (05:19):
CP. Cerebral palsy.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (05:21):
Cerebral palsy. Yeah. And then we said, “So what do you think?” And the doctor says, “Yep, you’re right.” And he just got up and left. I mean, that was the end of that encounter with the doctor. And so we just kind of left. We just basically looked at each other, started bursting tears, of course, realizing that we now have a special needs child. And again, this is about nine months old at this point.

And so coming to grips with that reality, it took a while, but Cindi really, she engaged right away in making sure that we began to provide Joey with the best possible therapy and treatments that we possibly could. And so I’m very thankful for that.

Cindi Ferrini (06:06):
We had a great community of people around us too. Joe, he is a doctor, he’s a dentist. And so we had wonderful medical people that were friends of ours and people that would help us along the way to find the things that we needed for him.

But when you get that diagnosis, it’s a shock. There was no reason, if you will, in terms of our background or things that we engaged in, in terms of drugs or drinking and all these sorts of things that you just would question then. What did I do? What did we do? And that wasn’t the case for us. I mean, certainly none of us are perfect, so we don’t know what could have caused it.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (06:51):
But you go through them, you have the guilt issues that come up and that’s just a reality. And so you begin to really go through and think about, well, what did I do wrong?

Cindi Ferrini (07:02):
Yeah. I even tried to think, what might’ve I done in my pregnancy that would’ve caused something in his growth and his development of his brain that would have caused this? And we can’t think of anything. And even if we could, maybe it’s better that we can’t.

(07:19):
Because then if there was something, then I would just question it. What if it was this? What if it was that? And there isn’t anything that we can pinpoint. And so we really, I guess over the course of time, we really just settled in to understand that Joey is who God made him. And he fits into our family perfectly.

And in fact, something that I love sharing is that when we wrote this book, we had our daughters read it because we wanted their endorsement. And we thought, let’s just see, tell us what you think about it. And one of the things that they said, and I love this, they said, one of the reasons our family worked so well together in the raising of Joey and how everything has turned out over all these years is that none of us ever got our own way. None of us.

(08:08):
Joey didn’t. We didn’t. The girls didn’t. There were times we all had to say, we can’t even go today to something because Joey is not doing well. Maybe he’s having seizures or maybe he’s sick or something that would require more attention.

And so we look back and we think, while it’s been a challenge and it has been difficult, there’s also been great joy in many things that we’ve learned. And particularly with our daughters, they are two of the loveliest young ladies. And we don’t take any credit for it because I think Joey is the one who allowed for them to become who they became.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (08:46):
Yeah. It’s just amazing. That’s awesome. Cindi took the time to really disciple our girl as well. And so you could see that in their lives now as parents themselves. But I love the story of Christina at the kitchen table asking about Joey. Why don’t you just share that? Because that would help communicate that stuff.

Cindi Ferrini (09:07):
Sure. Christina was about 12, and so Joey probably was about 15. And we had Kathleen later, she was about six years after Christina. But Christina asked, I get it mixed up all the time. That’s okay.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:24):
My mom still gets her three boys mixed up.

Cindi Ferrini (09:27):
I know. It’s a curse.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:28):
It really is a curse. I know.

Cindi Ferrini (09:30):
I know. We never had a dog, so we didn’t have to worry about that. But Christina, the older of the two girls and about three years younger than Joey, she said to us, to me, with some friends of ours who had just divorced, and she said, “Why did they get a divorce? And why did this happen?” And without going into their story, I just said, because I could kind of see the wheels turning in her head. She’s not just asking about them, she’s asking about us.

(10:01):
And I said, “You don’t have to worry about their story too much. They had some things that made it such that they’re not able to stay together anymore.” And she said to me, “So what will you do someday? When we get older and we just have Joey and you’re not here, what’s going to happen with Joey?” And I said, “You don’t have to worry about that.”

We had some different things in place that were, at the time, was available. Things have changed since then, especially because our girls have offered to take Joey. But I said, “Don’t worry about that because Joey is not your responsibility. He’s our responsibility and we’ll keep you informed.” And then I said, “And you don’t know who you’ll marry someday, if they would want Joey or not.” And she said, “Well, why would I marry them?” And I thought, she’s 12.

(10:54):
What a head on that body she’s got. She’s really thinking. And I was proud of her, but we didn’t know what would happen in the days to come and years to come. Both girls have married wonderful young men who love Joey and are both willing to someday have him live with them. And the beauty is they don’t live far apart from each other or far from us.

And so someday down the road, if one family wants to take a vacation, the other can take care of Joey and they can have their own family memories, their own enjoyment. And if that’s how the Lord would work it out, that’s how we think it might look.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (11:34):
Well, we’re very humble.

Dr. Matt Jones (11:36):
Yeah. We really appreciate you guys’ example of faithfulness. And many parents of children with special needs find themselves caring for others almost constantly. And I’m sure it can be tiring and a drain at times. How do you guys continue to model an authentic, vibrant faith for your children when you feel tired or discouraged or even spiritually depleted?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (12:01):
We’re very transparent with the girls, I’ll say that. I mean, they recognize the reality of raising a special needs brother. And we’ve always stressed the importance of teamwork. And we’ve stressed the idea that they are a very vital part of helping us to raise Joey. And the acronym TEAM, T-E-A-M, together each accomplishes more. Well, that’s a reality in our family.

And each of them have stepped up. And I’m very humbled as the father of these girls to recognize the young ladies that they had become. And Cindi is the primary motivator on this one because she’s modeled well what it means to raise children, period. But raising a special needs child, they watch Cindy and they watch what she does. And it’s been really quite a journey for me as a father watching my girls grow up and raise their own children. It’s been wonderful.

Cindi Ferrini (13:07):
Would you rephrase the question again? Repeat that again, please.

Dr. Matt Jones (13:11):
Yeah. How do you guys continue? That was a great start, Joe. Cindi, could you speak in, how do you guys continue to model an authentic, vibrant faith? Obviously not recognizing you can’t do it alone, you need that team. But are there any other ways that you guys model that authentic, vibrant faith whenever you’re exhausted or discouraged?

Cindi Ferrini (13:32):
Thank you. I would say I’m exhausted a lot, but the Lord has given me so much energy in my personality, but in my being too. And along life’s way I’ve prayed for just how things would work out for Joey and even in our marriage and our family. I pray that the Lord would keep us around for a long time so that the girls don’t have maybe as long to have to care for Joey.

Joey doesn’t have any particular life expectancy issues. He’s healthy otherwise, besides what his diagnoses are, but his heart’s good, everything is good. So he’s 45 and he’s still going strong. So I’m just thankful that I have a lot of energy. And now that we’re both retired, if I need to take a nap, I do. I tend not to because I want to be able to sleep at night and not get up too many times.

(14:30):
But he’s given us energy and I’m thankful for that. And so part of the vibrancy in life is that. But then also I think Joe and I both are very intentional about our own relationship and making sure that we have dates. And they might not look the same as our friends who get to go to the other side of town and go to dinner and can spend the whole night and go downtown and do whatever, whenever and however long.

I mean, it might be a walk around the block and Joey can be at home for a period of time. He’s not going to be staying by himself for maybe longer than an hour or two. And we have our systems and how we can check on him. So we’re always close by.

But we keep things very intentional and we’re very thankful too to the girls as well as to one of my sisters in particular who will take Joey. And sometimes we get to travel. Traveling with Joey, especially if you want to go to Europe or someplace far that doesn’t have the kinds of handicap accessible things that we have here, it would be a nightmare to take him.

(15:41):
And we didn’t start traveling really until we were married for 25 years because of that reason. And now that he’s older and there’s more opportunity, not a lot of opportunity, but there’s more. He’s a good traveler. If we want to go someplace by plane or by car, he’s good with that. But some things are different. And so it might be a fly in the restaurant that causes him to come unhinged. So you have to think of those things like, what’s going to turn life upside down?

And that’s what happens a lot. And the girls have seen it. And there have been times where things have happened and Joey’s really having a rough day and it’s infringed upon things that the girls are doing.

So sometimes it’s like just take the girls, Cindi, and go to the concerts that the girls are giving with their high school or something. And Joe would stay with Joey or vice versa. We always worked together. The girls, I don’t think the girls ever had to miss anything that they were a part of. And that’s because we worked together to make sure that didn’t happen.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:50):
That’s impressive. Janel?

Janel Greig (16:51):
Yeah. This kind of piggybacks on that a little bit, Joe and Cindi. Your book, which I thought was beautiful. I love the format of your story and then to the reader’s story, just the incorporation of not every story’s the same, but working through that.

But one of the things you do talk about in the book is embracing the life that you never expected. What helped you guys move from grieving any unmet expectations to actually seeing God’s goodness and purpose in Joey’s life? And then piggyback to that, maybe how can parents help their children do the same when life doesn’t go as planned?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (17:29):
I mean, we all have a journey. I mean, you and us, all of us, and we all need to come to a place of embracing the journey, embracing the season. And as you don’t do that, it’s a difficult time. And I think as you know, the divorce rate for parents of special needs children is quite high. I mean, Baylor University just has done outstanding work in this whole area, Baylor University, in the area of disabilities.

And they come up with the idea, the facts of over 80% of marriages end in divorce with special needs children. It’s understandable. I mean, you didn’t sign up for this. Didn’t expect it. This was not on your blueprint when you got married in the first place to think that this is how life is going to be. But it’s one of those things where you have to just kind of put a stake in the ground and say that from this point forward, we’re in this together.

(18:37):
And I think that’s where most families fall apart. And that’s why I’m so grateful and thankful that God has provided us for each other because we realize that our family’s as strong as this relationship is. And so we need to be very purposeful of making sure that our relationship is all that it can be and to never neglect it or take it for granted or anything like that. And so we are very intentional about making sure that we never take each other for granted.

As you probably know, we spoke with Family Life Ministries for 20 years. We spoke at Family Life conferences, and the whole focus of that ministry is to help couples build oneness in their marriage relationship. Well, you throw in the variable of a special needs child and you’ve got a whole different dynamic going on here. And again, embracing the place where you’re at, as one is very intentional about the spirit-filled life of growing in dependence on God.

(19:50):
And very thankful that we each not just love each other, but we love God. And that is I think the driving force, the unifying force that helps us to embrace this place where we’re at is that. Yeah.

Cindi Ferrini (20:08):
And a verse that I really love, I share it most every time we have an interview, it’s Psalm 138:8, and it says, “The Lord will accomplish what concerns me.” And you know when you really grasp that verse, and it took me a while, but when I grasped that verse, I recognized that I need to embrace the place where the Lord has me and us and our children, our girls. And I think when you get to that place, it’s really a place of surrender.

(20:40):
And we’ve written on that too, where you can hold onto it and you can fight it, and you can be mad, you can be frustrated, and you’ll have those moments. Please know, we’re not perfect. Our marriage isn’t perfect, but we have intentionality to make everything the best that it can be because we want to glorify the Lord. That’s our goal. And so as we embrace the place.

And others have said this to us, they’ll say things like, “You make this look so easy.” Well, the reason it’s easy is because we love our son. It’s because we love the Lord. It’s not because it’s easy. And when people say, “We could never do what you do.” Well, it’s because we’ve built capacity. We’ve endured a lot of different things over these 45 years. And in some ways, we’re so thankful that it happened early in our marriage because even our girls have said the reason that we work so well together as a team is because none of us always got our way.

(21:37):
So we all knew we’re going to take turns. We’re not going to get our way sometimes. And that is culturally a problem because a lot of people feel so entitled that their life has to be a certain way and this has to go a certain way. And I don’t know anybody whose life goes the way they thought it would go. This is just one.

Dr. Matt Jones (22:07):
Yeah. Well, I just want to point out, this is great advice, not just for parents with kids with special needs, but also those who are not, because you got to have that covenant to say, “Hey, I’ve made a promise. I’ve made a vow. Let’s live in light of that. Not only for the good of us as a couple, but for the good of our family.” And you guys have just not just exemplified it, but explained that so well. Thank you so much.

Janel, do we want to? I kind of want to ask the questions about our speed round. Are you up for that then? Just because I want people to know that, yeah, we ask kind of a speed round, and really the requirement is we give as short an answer as possible. Okay? So we’ll let you both do it. Sounds good to me. And Janel and I will switch off. All right. So coffee date, quiet evening at home, or spontaneous road trip?

Cindi Ferrini (23:00):
Spontaneous road trip would be fun. What would you do?

Dr. Matt Jones (23:04):
Both of you?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (23:05):
I like the dates. Yeah, we’re very much into the dates.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:07):
The dates. All right, good. Love it. Cool. Janel?

Janel Greig (23:11):
What about favorite movie that you can watch over and over?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (23:18):
She’s not a movie person.

Cindi Ferrini (23:21):
He watches movies over and over and over. I can watch a movie once and I’m good.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (23:25):
Yeah. I’m a history guy.

Janel Greig (23:27):
So for Cindi, it’s nothing.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:27):
Nothing. All right. Joe, what’s yours?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (23:31):
I mean, you should put The Godfather in front of me. I can watch that thing 10 times over and over again.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:35):
Okay, Godfather. Got it.

Cindi Ferrini (23:37):
Oh yeah, you’re right. He’s Italian.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (23:39):
World War II, I love World War II, especially specific wars. And so I could watch those war pictures over and over and over again. Okay. But one thing we did learn, I think you should know this, is that we always had one TV show that we always liked to watch together. And we always identified. It changes, of course, over time. Sure. But some of our favorites included, what?

Cindi Ferrini (24:04):
Oh, goodness. They go way back. We have so many. This is a quick round. We have to go fast.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (24:08):
Cheers would be one. Taxi.

Dr. Matt Jones (24:09):
Cheers. Okay. Good. Everybody knows your name.

Cindi Ferrini (24:13):
That’s right. 24.

Dr. Matt Jones (24:15):
You’re 24 fans? Yeah. My wife and I love 24.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (24:20):
Oh, my feelings.

Dr. Matt Jones (24:21):
Sorry. All right. What’s your favorite way to unwind after a long day? Because you guys have had quite a few long days, I’m sure. Yeah.

Cindi Ferrini (24:30):
I bet we could say the same thing. Having our Cafe Vienna.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (24:33):
Oh, yes.

Cindi Ferrini (24:34):
It’s just a sweet coffee.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (24:36):
Do you know what that is?

Cindi Ferrini (24:39):
It’s all sugar.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (24:40):
It’s all sugar. Yeah.

Janel Greig (24:40):
That’s the mix, right? They used to come with the plastic lid and the little? I know. I’m tracking today.

Dr. Matt Jones (24:48):
Janel would know better than I do. I don’t drink coffee.

Janel Greig (24:49):
All right. How about if your kids described you in three words, what would they say?

Cindi Ferrini (24:58):
Organized. I like to have fun and probably spontaneous in some ways. And order. I like order. Okay. Actually, that’s four.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (25:11):
One of the things that we do regularly is that we’re very, very involved in discipleship. And we ask people to keep in mind that you’re going to build a legacy someday. And one of the tools that we use is what we call a tombstone illustration. And on that tombstone, we asked people to write, how will they remember me or us?

And so we gave one to each of our children to write on our tombstone how they will remember us. And even, we gave one to Joey too. How will Joey remember us? And I could tell you what he said, well, we can help him write a little bit. He said, “Fun PlayStation pal.” And that was what Joey would say about us.

Dr. Matt Jones (25:59):
I have to ask Joe, what’s your guys’ favorite PlayStation game to play together?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (26:04):
Well, we’re like all Madden football guys.

Dr. Matt Jones (26:07):
My goodness. Okay. That’s great. Okay.

Cindi Ferrini (26:12):
And he can get to the end of most of these games. It’s impressive. Joey, it’s Joey.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (26:17):
Star Wars. Star Wars.

Dr. Matt Jones (26:20):
I thought you were referring to Joe getting to the end of it, but that’s okay.

Cindi Ferrini (26:22):
No, Joey. Yeah. Joey.

Janel Greig (26:27):
Well, let’s jump back into some of the other questions. You guys referenced mentoring or supporting other folks, but I’m sure special needs parenting can feel incredibly isolating. Absolutely. So for you, what roles have mentors, church, communities, friendships played in this journey?

Dr. Joe Ferrini (26:45):
Well, you have a young girl that you’ve been mentoring for quite a while.

Cindi Ferrini (26:49):
Yes. I’ve mentored a number of gals. I have one young lady, she could be my daughter, and she calls me her spiritual mom because I let her to the Lord. I didn’t know I let her to the Lord, but I did. And they have two special needs girls, 100% care in every single possible way that you could imagine. And I’ve given her permission to call me at any time of the day or night. And she has on occasion, and she knows that I will answer the phone. If I hear it, I will answer the phone for her.

I’m mentoring a mom now who is actually, she married a little older, so she had children a little older. And so her husband was 10 years older than her, so she is actually a widow and has a 22-year-old son that has special needs. So we’ve been probably chatting weekly for a couple of years now.

(27:44):
And I want to do this because when I was a young mom, I reached out to two moms in our church and they were wonderful, wonderful women. And I just kind of wanted to pick their brains and tell me what to expect. And truly their answer was, “God is good and everything will be fine.” And I was like, “Well, why is today not fine? It was not fine.”

And actually that was the reason for us writing our first book, which was called Unexpected Journey, because I don’t think we know what to expect. And so to have someone to hold your hand, and then the book that we’ve written, The Special Needs Parent, per this interview, is to do that, to come alongside people and say, “You aren’t alone.” Some of our friends, we have some great friends, but they don’t all really buy into the challenges that we have.

(28:42):
I don’t think I could even, on one hand, even say how many people in life have said, “How are you doing?” They might say, “How is Joey? How are the girls?” But to say, “How are you doing?” Takes something of them to possibly dig a little deeper. I think five people perhaps that I could think of.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (29:06):
A lot less guys, I’ll say that. Yeah, less men. Yeah. I can’t think of.

Janel Greig (29:10):
That’s a great reminder.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (29:13):
I can’t think of one guy, maybe one, maybe two guys that ever asked me, how’s Joey doing? Or how are you doing? And it’s kind of like, I just figure that they just don’t know how to handle it. And as you know, one of the greatest needs of special needs parents is, the reality is that they live in isolation. They isolate and they isolate because of this kind of stuff. People just don’t get it. And people want to know, “Well, what could we do for you? Just ask. We’ll be happy to tell you.”

Cindi Ferrini (29:53):
Yeah, we’ll just do something. You know what’d be good? People who are listening to this, go pick up the book and give it to a friend. Friend that has a special needs child and say, “I thought of you.”

We even had someone years ago, family member, Joe was being very transparent like we are now. And this family member said, and he was getting a little teary and they said, “I thought you were stronger than that.” How much do you think we’d ever open up to that person again? Never. Or anybody else, because if that’s what other people are thinking, we really don’t want to go there. And you can tell on people’s faces when they’ve kind of heard enough, and usually it’s pretty quick.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (30:36):
Yeah. I consider her as a special needs parent, and we do talk about this in the book as well, is one of the things, and we appreciate people’s kindness when they come to us and talk to us, but you want to avoid passive statements or questions like, “Well, let me know if you need anything.” I’m going to call you and tell you that, right? Yeah. At that point.

Cindi Ferrini (31:02):
If you need something, you’re not at a point where you’re able to sort all that out.

Dr. Joe Ferrini (31:07):
But I respond very well, If a guy comes up to me and said, “Hey, listen, I’m going to Kroger and I’m going to pick up some groceries. Can I pick up some milk bread for you? I’ll be back at five o’clock and drop it off.” Yeah, that’s great. Sounds good.

Janel Greig (31:21):
That’s a great reminder. Sorry, Matt.

Dr. Matt Jones (31:23):
No, that’s great because that was actually one of the questions I was going to ask was, hey, how can we as a church do a better job supporting, caring, and intentionally investing in? And it’s being specific, and I really appreciate you guys saying that, and that’s great. So I’m going to ask one more question. Oh, go ahead, Cindi. You answer whatever question I was going to ask and then we’ll have to wrap up. So you go ahead. Bring that to the forefront.

Cindi Ferrini (31:53):
Well, in terms of churches, the churches should be the hospital, right? And helping care for those who have needs, not just special needs, but divorce needs. Just go through the list. And one of the things I would suggest to churches is, first of all, welcome special needs families and have provisions for them. And that’s another topic for another day.

But the other thing would be to, when you see that there’s a need, like somebody’s in the hospital, somebody figure out a meal plan for them to have people to help. Or like I try to do, our life is very busy. So sometimes I can’t. Maybe say, “I’ll make a meal for this day,” but I’ll say, “I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow morning at 8:00. Whatever you need, I’ll get for you. What do you need?” And I’ll just keep telling them, “I’m running errands tomorrow at three o’clock. What can I get for you?”

And so I help in whatever way is convenient for me in some ways. But then if it’s a dear friend, hopefully I can ask really specific and say, “You tell me when you need something and I’ll say yes or no if I can provide it at that time.”

Dr. Joe Ferrini (33:04):
And a sobering reality here, Matt, is you asked the question specifically about the church. And again, Baylor University has done tremendous research in this whole area. And what they came up with is that even though one in three households in the United States have a special needs disabled individual in their home, 47% of them have left their church because their child with disabilities was not welcomed or included in that church.

And if you want to change something, let’s change that. Is that some churches are doing a great job and we’ve had the privilege of being with some of those churches, but most, well, 47% really don’t know how to handle this thing. And it’s not brain surgery, I can tell you that. But it’s something that they can engage with if they’re interested.

Dr. Matt Jones (33:59):
Well, we appreciate you guys bringing that to the forefront. And that was a question that I wanted to hopefully bring out. And thank you for your faithfulness. And I just want to say for those of us who are listening who say, “Hey, wait a minute. I don’t have time to invest like that.” Here’s Joe and Cindi with their son, Joey, and they make the time to invest and take care of others. So thank you guys for modeling that and sharing that.

And so as we wrap up today’s conversation, we’re reminded, while special needs parenting may not be the journey families expected, it is not a journey they should walk alone. Joe and Cindi’s story is a powerful testimony that God’s grace is sufficient for every season, every challenge, and every unexpected turn. And thank you again, Joe and Cindi, for being a great example of that.

(34:44):
Thank you both. So if this episode encouraged you, be sure to share it with a parent, caregiver, pastor, or friend who could benefit from this conversation. And if you’d like to learn more, please check out Joe and Cindi’s new book, The Special Needs Parent: A Guide to the Life You Never Expected.

As always, our goal at Upside Down Parenting is to help you intentionally disciple your children and build a Christ-centered home. And it can be done even with special needs, families with special needs children. So thank you for modeling that and coming on our episode today. God bless you all and have a great week.

Cindi Ferrini (35:23):
Thank you so much for your time today. We appreciate it.

Dr. Matt Jones (35:26):
Thank you.

Cindi Ferrini (35:26):
Thank you.