The Moments That Shaped Our Kids’ Faith (And What We Learned as Parents) | Ep. 59

Episode 59: Summary & Transcript

Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Episode Summary

In this candid and warm episode of the Upside Down Parenting Podcast, co-hosts Matt and Janel swap real-life parenting stories about the moments that shaped their children’s faith, character, and worldview. From spider phobias and pizza nights to deep conversations about same-sex marriage and biblical apologetics, they explore how ordinary moments become extraordinary discipleship. Listeners will walk away reminded that faithful parenting happens less in grand gestures and more in the daily rhythms of family life.

Episode Transcript

Dr. Matt Jones (00:01):
Well, welcome to Story Time on the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. Janel and I are hopefully swapping some stories on modeling either good or bad things that we’ve done as parents. So Janel, thanks for this time together today. I’m ready to hear some of your stories and hopefully mine will come out as clear as possible. So welcome to Story Time on the Upside Down Parenting Podcast.

Janel Greig (00:27):
It’s going to be great today, Matt.

Dr. Matt Jones (00:30):
All right. I could tell. Okay. So why don’t you open with a story about a time you modeled something, whether it was good or bad, and whether or not your kids followed your lead?

Janel Greig (00:44):
Yeah, this is an easy one for me for modeling. I have an irrational fear of spiders. And when I see a spider, I scream. It’s just a gut reaction. And when my daughter was in kindergarten, you know how some memories, Matt, are so vivid? You can see exactly where you were and even the smells.

And this is one that I really remember so vividly. We were near our dining room table and I saw a spider by the sliding glass window and I screamed and threw a book on this spider to end its life. And my sweet little kindergarten daughter told me, “Hey mommy, Mrs. Kindergarten teacher says that spiders are God’s creation too. We shouldn’t kill them. We should take them outside.” And I told my daughter, “Well, if Mrs. Kindergarten teacher is at our house, she can do that. But if Mrs. Kindergarten teacher’s not here, mommy’s going to handle this the way that mommy handles it.”

And what’s interesting is at that time, my daughter obviously was not afraid of spiders, but over the years, my husband and my boys, they all laugh now that our daughter, Reagan, when she sees a spider, she also now screams.

(01:54):
How about that? It’s just a gut reaction. It’s something I’ve modeled. And would you believe my mom does the same thing? So it’s one of those that modeled behavior is picked up. But on the flip side of that, Matt, one of the things in talking through this with Christian, a story about modeling, he talked about our Bible reading, my Bible reading, my dad’s Bible reading.

And this is one where from the youngest age I can remember, my dad, he would be up at 4:00 AM with God’s word in his study with his Tupperware, tall Tupperware, plastic glass filled with Folger’s instant coffee. That was his morning routine. God’s word before he, yeah, go ahead.

Dr. Matt Jones (02:31):
And what do you do now? You drink coffee in the morning.

Janel Greig (02:33):
I do. Yeah, before he started his day. And it’s one where he modeled that when we were home at Easter this past spring. Same thing. It’s still part of his rhythm and that’s something I have adopted. Now my kids don’t get up and have coffee and read their God’s word, but they do. It’s part of their rhythm before bed because that’s been modeled for them and they know it’s important. And so man, parents, kids pick that stuff up, right, Matt?

Dr. Matt Jones (02:57):
Yeah, they do. And it is amazing. I usually do my quiet time out of the house because if I’m at the house, I have trouble concentrating. But my wife faithfully gets up, sits in the living room, reads our Bible. And by the grace of God, all three kids off and on over the years have also developed that habit.

One of the ones more practical is we created a, growing up, we had what was called pizza and movie night. And so every Saturday night I would make, once a kid turned two, we would rotate who gets to make pizza with dad. And what we would do is we would make pizza, we would have conversation, and then we would watch a movie and then after the movie we’d ask what you learned, what you think, all those other evaluative questions.

(03:48):
And what’s funny is two things. One, my dad made pizza on Friday nights. We did it on Saturday. And so I picked up on that. Now he didn’t make it with the boys as far as I remember, because he always had a system of how to do things. He liked his screw up history. But now my daughter has picked up on that, my youngest, and she has been teaching other people how to make pizza.

And she actually taught her boyfriend how to make pizza. And her boyfriend decided, “I’m going to make pizza for the family.” And so they had a pizza night. So it expanded beyond just our family to other people. Now I don’t think they do it every week, but that’s just been a sweet memory. In fact, I’ve got a pizza pan that my wife had the kids make and that hangs in my office that has their hands on it as a memory of making pizza together.

(04:44):
Multi-generational. Yep. Yeah. I mean, it’s amazing the things that they pick up on that can be passed down both good and bad. I’ll just share one of mine.

Janel Greig (04:51):
Absolutely.

Dr. Matt Jones (04:53):
That’s a weakness of mine is I do have a stink eye and I could look at my kids and they could know by how I was looking at them, they should not be doing that. And one of my children has picked up that particular eye and I wish that I had recognized that how I handled that was not right because now I see that in that particular child. And Lord willing, he’ll learn not to do that or she’ll learn not to do that quicker than I did because there’s just some things you don’t want to pass down.

Janel Greig (05:28):
No.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:29):
And that’s where you have to repent. But I have one more with that.

Janel Greig (05:32):
Yeah, do it.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:32):
But hopefully, well, my wife, she always made the first day of something special, like the first day of work, first day of school. And it was so cool. She just started a part-time job recently and my oldest daughter said, “Mom, can you come over for your first day of work because it was on the way and I have something for you.” And so my daughter made my first day of her mom, my wife’s work special, and it was so cool.

Janel Greig (06:02):
I love it.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:03):
And so yeah, I mean the kids do pick up on both the good and the bad.

Janel Greig (06:08):
Yes, they do.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:08):
And unfortunately, my kids have picked up on more of my wife’s good things and more of my bad things. So anyway, you need to pray for my children.

Janel Greig (06:18):
What’s your favorite kind of pizza, Matt?

Dr. Matt Jones (06:20):
I like pepperoni and pineapple, and I know some people say whenever you have pineapple on a pizza, it’s not a pizza, but how about you?

Janel Greig (06:26):
No. I like weirdo stuff. I like to pile mine with chicken and bacon and jalapenos and all the things. I just do weird stuff.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:34):
Anchovies?

Janel Greig (06:34):
No, no anchovies. Hot honey. Do you do hot honey?

Dr. Matt Jones (06:37):
Hot honey. Actually, I was exposed to that for the first time at a restaurant recently, and my son-in-law actually had it and he was in tears because of how hot it was. So good. And so I was like, “I’m so glad I did not order that because I don’t do spice stuff.” Anyway, all right. So you got a story about a meaningful conversation that you had with your kid that helped him process a worldview issue. Do you have something like that?

Janel Greig (07:06):
Oh yeah. I think we both probably have many and many of those. And those meaningful conversations are so important with our kids.

Dr. Matt Jones (07:12):
Well, I remember Fallacy Friday, so you probably have a ton that just happened in a car, which is awesome.

Janel Greig (07:18):
It’s funny thinking about this, a lot of the conversations that I thought of when I was thinking of meaningful conversations were car conversations.

Dr. Matt Jones (07:26):
How long of a drive is it for you to/from work?

Janel Greig (07:29):
15 to 20 minutes. It’s not super long. It’s not super long, but it’s a great opportunity. I think a very meaningful conversation that occurred, I think my daughter was in fifth or sixth grade. She was really brokenhearted for one of her friends who is supposedly a Christian or is a Christian, was a Christian, because they were talking about something with regards to same-sex marriage. And I can’t remember if the conversation came up in school, but her friend was essentially saying, “Well, God’s okay with that because they love each other.”

And my daughter, one, was brokenhearted because she was concerned that her friend wasn’t following God then and for her salvation, but also how can there be such, where’s she getting this? And I think that was one of those conversations where we went back to the starting point. Is God’s word being held as his word?

(08:28):
Is this person, is your friend that’s claiming to be a Christian truly following God’s word and taking that as God’s word is inerrant, this is what it is. And that allowed a conversation for framing, for a lot of conversations moving forward with all of the kids actually, when friends are having different beliefs or somebody that we encounter has a different belief, what’s their starting point and why might they be thinking this way?

I think one of the things that really touched my heart too for my daughter in that scenario was her heart was so broken for this friend in that, but is she saved? Is she really following Christ? Which of course opens up a lot of additional opportunities for conversations. But definitely that was one of those initial conversations as my kids were reaching that age where things were really able to be filtered through different worldviews and have those conversations.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:20):
Well, I was going to ask about what age was that? Again, was this Reagan? About what age?

Janel Greig (09:26):
I would say fifth or sixth grade. Fifth or sixth grade. Maybe entering middle school. Middle school for us is seventh grade, but yeah, it wasn’t super early. But the boys were of course present in that too, which has been very framing for them over the years as we have conversations surrounding topics that can be whack-a-mole topics, but topics that through a biblical lens, it’s, okay, this is why this person might be arriving at this conclusion because they’re starting at a different starting point.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:54):
Well, I was going to ask, is there a topic that comes up a lot in your family or is it just kind of a round robin of different ideas?

Janel Greig (10:04):
I would say that the hot button topics in society just because of the ages of my kids, I would say the same-sex marriage is a big one that comes up with friends with differing views on that. So that’s always an opportunity to point back to God’s word, but also have bigger conversations about different worldviews and why people might be arriving at different endpoints, which makes it hard too if people are claiming to be Christians in that scenario.

Dr. Matt Jones (10:35):
I was just curious. That’s cool.

Janel Greig (10:36):
Yeah. Yeah, I would say very societally topical for what my kids are experiencing. Yeah. What about you? Meaningful conversation for you with the kids?

Dr. Matt Jones (10:46):
Yeah, it’s interesting you brought up that particular issue with homosexuality. That was a huge discussion for our kids and our family. We spent about a year, well, it was about six months working through a book, having long conversations with that.

Another one was, and so pick something that the kids were earlier. We would read Bible stories at night when our kids were younger. And Hannah, when she was two or three years old, we were reading the story of Adam and Eve, and with the story of Adam and Eve, there’s some worldview issues regarding, “Hey, how do men and women treat one another? And in this particular instance, why didn’t Adam protect Eve from eating the apple?”

And so what was really interesting was my wife and I gave a possible explanation there, and Hannah wasn’t satisfied with it. And so my wife said, “Well, Kenzie, Hannah, why don’t you write grandpa the question and nanny also?” And that’s grandma and grandpa. And so what she did, we got a little journal, and so there was some time of writing questions back and forth to grandparents, and she asked both nanny and grandpa the same question, and they sent the journal back and answered the question.

(12:06):
It just reminded us, first of all, different ways to think about how parents and then grandparents may be thinking about things at different stages, but also my parents were able to give a little bit different perspective on how Adam and Eve were relating with one another, and even the story there prior to the fall and then after the fall and the cause.

It was just really cool to think about creation and how God set things up, and then what’s the role to fall in all this, and what’s the male responsibility, and what’s the female responsibility, and how do they relate? And that was when she was two or three years old. She had a legitimate question about it.

Janel Greig (12:45):
Yeah, I love it.

Dr. Matt Jones (12:46):
Genesis chapter three, and she wasn’t satisfied with mom or dad’s answer, and Cat said, “Well, let’s go send that question to grandpa and grandma.” It was just really cool.

Janel Greig (12:57):
That’s lovely.

Dr. Matt Jones (12:58):
You bring in more than just your opinion, and it really established early on, mom and dad wants you to ask other people’s opinions, because mom and dad, we do our best to do what’s honoring to God and do what’s right, but it’s good to have additional opinions from people who love Jesus.

And so my kids have always been very curious, and those have been really rich moments for them to look back on and say, “Hey, it’s okay to ask questions. It’s okay to bring up worldview issues.” Most of the time, it’s safe with mom and dad. Sometimes dad can be a stinker, so I’m really still working on that.

Janel Greig (13:37):
And they go to mom.

Dr. Matt Jones (13:38):
That’s right. Then they go to mom.

Janel Greig (13:39):
Those are such sweet times too, to have those conversations and the processing together, and those are laying the groundwork for future conversations that may be even bigger down the line. I love it.

Dr. Matt Jones (13:51):
Well, and my wife and I, we realize while we’re primarily responsible for teaching the kids, we can’t do it alone. We need resources, we need other people, we need grandparents, and hopefully we’ve demonstrated some level of humility in that to say, “Listen, the meaningful conversations can start with us or they can start without us, but we still want to be involved.” So that’s been pretty cool.

So Janel, how about why not share with us how you teach the true story of Christianity or how that shows up in your kids’ attitudes or decisions or relationship with Jesus and what that taught you as a parent?

Janel Greig (14:36):
Yeah. One of the things that I loved doing with the kids when they were. I’ve always read with the kids a lot. I can remember laying on the bed and reading with them when, of course, they couldn’t read, but reading to them.

But Bible stories, before they were able to read God’s word in its entirety, we would do the Bible story books and always teaching the why with the what. When we were teaching who God is in this story, the story of Noah, who was God did this, why did he do that? And that full narrative, the creation, fall, redemption, restoration and how that plays in.

One of the things that comes to mind very clearly to me with regards to God’s word and his story is the redemption aspect. We’re very big on apologizing in our house, making right with somebody that you’ve wronged, and I think that redemption is so important.

(15:35):
The practice or the habit of actually apologizing, teaching our kids. I can remember when I was in middle school, I think we had Canadian exchange students at our house, and they would say sorry for something, and I think we would say, “Uh-huh,” or, “Yeah, that’s okay.” I remember at that age, for whatever reason, they said, “Why do you Americans never say we forgive you. You say aha.” And it’s interesting now thinking back as a parent from a biblical lens of that’s not an apology and forgiveness, that’s not the full redemption and restoration.

So something in our house that we’ve really been, and this is maybe another habit or another modeling too, but actually following a biblical pattern for apologies and forgiveness, that confession, repentance, restitution, and forgiveness. And this comes from parents too, I practice this and model this most of the time. It’s, “I’m sorry for whatever I did.” You’re talking to the person, “I’m sorry for doing this.”

(16:33):
“That was wrong because…” So you’re actually encouraging the child or adult to note why it was wrong and then asking for forgiveness, “Will you please forgive me because I’ve affected you? And then next time I will,” that corrective action. And that’s only part of it because then it also requires that other person to say, “I forgive you.”

There have been many times in our house where the other, if it was two kids, that other kid may not have been ready to forgive yet, and we’ve allowed space for that. It’s okay if you need to process, but that needs to come. And that’s pointing back to that biblical truth of what God’s word says and what God has modeled for us. And so that has become more of a family culture rather than just this conflict resolution.

Dr. Matt Jones (17:16):
That’s cool. And how long do those conversations usually take, Janel?

Janel Greig (17:20):
When the kids were little and it was teaching the rhythm, it took time. But now obviously they happen now even when we’re not around, but sometimes when my boys are going at it and it’s, “You know what? God gave you each other, fix this, do your apology and correct it.” It can happen, boom, boom, boom, boom, and it is part of the natural rhythm. That’s great. It’s cool to see. What about you, Matt? What is somewhere where that pops up in your household or that has become a rhythm?

Dr. Matt Jones (17:48):
Well, I’ll say this, first of all, we did not grow up with the language of creation, fall, redemption, restoration in terms of thinking through the overarching biblical narrative. It was a little bit further into our parenting that language, explicit language. It was more implied, right? God created, humankind screwed it up, Jesus came to redeem, and we’re living up in hope of the new heavens and new earth. And so we’re still, I don’t know to the extent, I do hope that Cat and I have the opportunity to do this with Lord willing grandchildren.

(18:29):
But really emphasize that language there a little bit more. But one of the things that we taught our kids were the 10 commandments. And what’s interesting about the 10 commandments is if you really step back and look at them, if you look at the creation story, you have four primary relationships, God and humankind, humankind with others, humankind with itself, and humankind with this physical world, this very good creation.

As we’ve developed our love for the kids and understanding of the importance of relationship, the reality is that whenever we talk about the 10 commandments, those four relationships show up in some form or fashion in one or more of each of those commands, and really starting to sit and think about those. How do you relate with God? Well, you don’t misuse his name. How do you relate with others? You don’t steal. Well, how do you relate with yourself?

(19:28):
You don’t live in coveting, and really coveting ties into your relationship with the world. And so it’s been really an interesting dynamic to help our kids because we’ve been very serious about helping our kids think through those four relationships, but seeing different tools in scripture and commands in scriptures and principles of scripture to think through those, and as a result, all three of them have seen the importance of relationship and they are intentional with it.

(20:01):
We have seen that they are seeing the importance of reflecting, trying God’s character as he exists in relationship and pursuing that. So we try to teach the true story of Christianity through recognizing, relationship is key, and it’s been pretty effective and been pretty fun. And just to see now what my daughter and her husband, who’s highly relational, what they’re deciding to pursue, and that’s just been a huge blessing, and we hope that continues, but you never know. Kids are crazy.

Janel Greig (20:40):
They are. They are. What about?

Dr. Matt Jones (20:45):
Probably because their parents are, but anyway.

Janel Greig (20:45):
It’s free will. That’s a different route. That’s a different route. What about how you and Kat maybe have helped Kat cultivate a passion for God in a sense of purpose, having a sense of purpose for our kids? What’s one way that you guys have done that?

Dr. Matt Jones (21:05):
Yeah, I’m going to ask you that one too. But first of all, I would say model things, model first Christ’s life and allow the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you in that. But having said that, demonstrate that life is not about you. You are not the belly button in the universe.

(21:25):
And use your gifts and talents and abilities and model those so that your children not only can see those, but also try them and go, “Wait a minute, I’m not really good at this, that or the other,” but also recognize them. And so my wife recognized in the child, interests. And so my wife is great at hospitality, and my youngest, Kenzie, has really started to develop a joy for hospitality, and in particular the cooking component. And so we, at the age of two, I’ve already mentioned this, I think either in this episode or another. Yeah, this episode, we started teaching her how to make pizza.

And then whenever Tyler and Hannah were out of the house, Cat would do cooking things with her, and she enjoyed that. And as she got older, she showed more interest in cooking. And so we said, “Well, how about during your junior and senior year, in light of your heart for hospitality and your love for cooking, why don’t you go to a tech school?” She says, “Okay, that’s great.” Then she decided to work in the food industry, and we just said, “You seem to have a heart for hospitality.”

(22:33):
“You seem to have a heart for cooking. You seem to really enjoy it. Let’s just develop that.” And so that’s really been one of the ways that we have cultivated a sense of purpose and then challenged Kenzie, okay, how do you intend to minister to people, which we think is a reflection of loving God in that? How do you intend to minister to people with those different gifts and talents and strengths?

We’ve tried to cultivate those things, and she’s developing and discerning the extent to which that direction will look in her job because she knows that no matter what job you have. Well, I shouldn’t say it like that. There are some jobs that are not honoring to God, but if you have a job, then you’re a minister. And she does recognize that if she goes into hospitality or cooking, that she’s ministering for the kingdom by cooking and serving people.

(23:29):
And so that’s what we’ve tried to piggyback on. What’s it look like for you to love God in these particular giftings? How about you guys at your home to cultivate a passion with one or more of your kids?

Janel Greig (23:41):
You know what’s interesting? The cooking/baking is also a common theme and it’s that hospitality. I think it’s interesting.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:49):
Is that with Reagan or is that with all three?

Janel Greig (23:51):
Well, I would say absolutely with Reagan, I would say Keaton, definitely, he loves cooking dinner just for the family here at home.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:59):
Can I add, Tyler loves cooking. He loves hosting people. He likes to make snake tacos, but anyway, go ahead.

Janel Greig (24:08):
Snake tacos?

Dr. Matt Jones (24:08):
Yeah, he makes tacos with snake meat, so he thinks that’s cool.

Janel Greig (24:13):
Interesting.

Dr. Matt Jones (24:14):
Yeah. I interrupted, but I just want to recall it.

Janel Greig (24:16):
Want to recall it. Yeah. I’m super intrigued now, but I do think that. And I’m sure it’s probably very typical for hospitality, those with that gift or that passion for the baking, the cooking to come along with that.

But Reagan’s been similar in that she, this last year at school, every time in the AP history classes, there was a test, she would bake for the class, and that was kind of tradition. It’s kind of handed off, but she does, and it’s a beautiful way to remind them that you’re serving. It’s a beautiful way to serve others and show love.

I think when the kids were little and we were in the season of other people, the season of having babies, and that’s your friend group, cooking and taking meals to people. I don’t know if we’re just in a season of life where that doesn’t happen anymore or as often or if COVID killed that a little bit.

(25:05):
I don’t know, but that was definitely a way that I modeled. Again, went back to modeling, serving others. We were doing that all the time, and it’s one where we’re called to serve others and show them love. I think that’s just a beautiful way to do that. I love that. I love that we have that.

Dr. Matt Jones (25:21):
That is interesting.

Janel Greig (25:21):
Common theme.

Dr. Matt Jones (25:24):
But here’s the thing, I don’t like to cook. And so anyway, my wife does.

Janel Greig (25:31):
But you can probably have snake tacos anytime you want.

Dr. Matt Jones (25:33):
Oh, man. Yeah. He actually hasn’t made them for Cat. Well, he hasn’t made them for me. He’s offered, but he’s made them for some of his friends, and so that’s kind of a thing.

Janel Greig (25:43):
Where does he get the snake meat?

Dr. Matt Jones (25:45):
I do not remember. I have asked him and he has told me. Yeah, I don’t remember, but he gets it and he’s quite proud of the snake tacos.

Janel Greig (25:55):
Oh, I’m sure. I love it. Thanks so much for joining us for today’s episode, Matt. It was great hearing some of your stories and sharing stories.

Dr. Matt Jones (26:03):
Oh, yours too, Janel. It’s fun that there’s some overlap there.

Janel Greig (26:06):
That’s great. I love it. Yeah. Listeners, we hope these stories reminded you that discipleship usually isn’t built through just one big parenting moment. It’s actually shaped through countless ordinary moments, car rides, being in the kitchen with your kids, making pizzas, those ordinary moments of faithfulness. God uses our conversations, our habits, our mistakes. We shared a few of those. Our community and even our imperfect examples to help form our children’s hearts over time.

If today’s stories encouraged you, we’d love to hear one of yours. What’s a parenting moment that has taught you something about following Jesus? Send us your story and it may inspire a future episode of Upside Down Parenting. You can contact us at podcast@summit.org. Thanks for listening, and we’ll see you next time.