Did Jesus ever actually say things like, “Just follow your heart,” or “Believe in yourself?”
Today on the Upside-Down Parenting podcast, Matt Jones and I are talking about well-intended phrases Christian parents often use—phrases that sound biblical, but may actually misrepresent Jesus.
Over time, these kinds of statements can subtly shape a fear-based, performance-driven faith instead of one rooted in trust and formation. And if we want to disciple our kids into an authentic, resilient faith that lasts, we have to stop putting words in Jesus’ mouth and start letting his actual words shape the way we parent.
Have a question for us? Email podcast@summit.org—your question may be featured in an upcoming Q&A!
Epsode 30: Summary & Transcript
Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
Episode Summary
In this episode, hosts Janel Greig and Matt Jones discuss well-intended Christian phrases that parents often use but may actually misrepresent biblical teachings. The conversation explores how seemingly encouraging statements like “you are enough,” “Jesus wants our kids to be happy,” “believe in yourself,” “follow your heart,” and “you can be anything you want” can subtly promote a fear-based, performance-driven faith rather than one rooted in authentic biblical truth. The hosts encourage parents to replace these cultural phrases with biblical alternatives, such as “you can be anything God wants you to be” instead of “you can be anything you want.”
Episode Transcript
Janel Greig (00:00):
Did Jesus ever actually say things like, ”just follow your heart” or “believe in yourself”? Today on the Upside Down Parenting podcast, Matt Jones and I are talking about well-intended Christian phrases that parents often use. They sound biblical but may actually misrepresent Jesus or God’s word. Over time, these kinds of statements can subtly shape a fear-based, performance-driven faith instead of one rooted in trust and formation. And if we want to disciple our kids into an authentic, resilient faith that lasts, we have to stop putting words in Jesus’ mouth and start letting his actual words shape the way we parent. So Matt, welcome back. Are you looking forward to today’s episode?
Dr. Matt Jones (00:44):
I am. We’ll see what comes out of both of our mouths today, Janel.
Janel Greig (00:49):
We absolutely will. Yeah. How are you doing?
Dr. Matt Jones (00:52):
I’m doing all right. Got a lot of cool things going on with our family. We’re looking forward to a wedding in a couple months. My wife and I are still enjoying being together, and so we’re looking forward to 2026. A lot’s going on. I think I’m in six weddings, no, five weddings, and going to a sixth, so this will be crazy. How about you? What do you have looking forward to in 2026?
Janel Greig (01:16):
Well, not six weddings. That’s a lot. But that’s a lot to celebrate too, right?
Dr. Matt Jones (01:21):
Yeah.
Janel Greig (01:21):
Yeah. No, we’re just.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:22):
We want weddings because it predicts future parents.
Janel Greig (01:25):
It does. Are they all local for you guys or are you doing some traveling then?
Dr. Matt Jones (01:29):
Almost all of them, but one’s going to be in Florida. It’s a niece, and that’s the one I get to go and sit back and watch.
Janel Greig (01:36):
Wonderful, wonderful. That sounds like a great time.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:39):
Yeah. Well, we’re talking about some interesting phrases that we have both heard either parents say to their children or say to one another, or you even hear them on television or see them thrown out on social media. And I’m just curious, first of all, as we think about these things, how have some of these phrases that are not true affected you as a mom, as a wife, as a follower of Christ? What stands out to you with that, Janel?
Janel Greig (02:11):
Yeah, I definitely fell prey to a few of these. I think when I was a young mom and the trenches tired in each season of parenting brings its own trenches of sorts. But definitely when I was a young mom early in motherhood, I fell for some of the messages like, you are enough or You deserve it. You’re perfect as you are, but especially the, “you are enough.” A lot of it came through too. It was deceptive because it came through mom flus and even Christian ones that I was trusting and following and that it was one of those things I found myself telling myself, I can do it. When the kids were in a young, young season of, we had three under the age of four and it was diapers and potty training and food and trying to keep the house put together. It felt pretty overwhelming. And at the end of the day, I’d be exhausted. I didn’t feel as I wanted to be for Christian, for my husband, or serving my kids well.
(03:04):
The idea where the words, the term “you are enough,” it fell on my ears and I thought, well, I need to do more and be more because I’m enough when actually what I really needed was time with the Lord to reset and find my strength in him. It didn’t mean, and even now with the kids in different seasons, if I experience a little bit of that overwhelming feeling, it doesn’t mean to not reevaluate your load or your commitments to make sure that we’re serving our family our first ministry. Well, but it doesn’t mean just dig deeper within myself to find it to be enough. And I think self-care does have a place, but the underlying message of you are enough was a message that we’re whole and just dig deeper, but we actually find exhaustion and guilt when we do that. And that’s what I experienced as a young mom.
Dr. Matt Jones (03:55):
So I’m curious what truth overrode that deceptive line of thinking for you? You go, what did you research? What did you find? What said, you know what, your enough is garbage.
Janel Greig (04:08):
It is, yeah.
Dr. Matt Jones (04:09):
Or what I like to say, a lie from the pit of hell that smells like smoke. How did you pick up on that smoke and replace that lie with what was true?
Janel Greig (04:17):
It was the Lord, it’s under suffering. I think when I got to such depths of feeling overwhelmed, it was the better hope that’s offered through Christianity. I don’t have to be enough because Jesus is right, and scripture holds that this truth together of, you are valuable, we’re made in God’s image. And we learned that in Genesis 1:27, but we’re also broken and in need of grace, which we read over and over, but especially in Romans 3:23, the gospel doesn’t say you deserve it. It says you’re loved and Christ is sufficient, especially in our weaknesses. Right. Have you heard that one before, Matt, or are you familiar with that one?
Dr. Matt Jones (04:56):
Yeah, I’ve heard that one before and what immediately comes to mind is, man, if I was enough, then I wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit. And so that for me, that was kind of like, well, wait a minute. There’s something off with this line of thinking. And the other thing too is we are designed for community and we have talked about that, but in the garden where it says it’s not good for man to be alone. And what’s really interesting is that it’s God talking to him at that point. So he’s not technically alone in terms of there’s another relationship or there is a relationship, but he says, listen, you’re not designed to do life on your own so that you’re enough. And when I first heard that, I went, wait a minute, why would I need the Holy Spirit if I’m enough?
(05:43):
And so that one kind of was overcome pretty quickly, and the good news in it was it actually helped me rely on the reality that I needed the spirit more. I needed to be in touch with him. Another one that kind of stands out to me, and I don’t know if you’ve ever heard this one, but Jesus wants our kids to be happy. What do you think of that one, Janel?
Janel Greig (06:04):
Yeah, I think Jesus wants our kids to be happy. It’s kind of the idea that happiness is the highest good. That’s what we are trying to attain, but I think we see this seep in culture with the therapeutic moralistic deism, that movement, and that’s, I am curious with you teaching college students, do you see that a lot in that age group? Because I feel like that’s when you hear about it really being absorbed or one that they really focus on that happiness is everything.
Dr. Matt Jones (06:32):
Yeah. I do an exercise in my classes on that, and they usually recognize that the goal of life is not happiness at this point. However, parents, whenever they’re struggling with this component, they’re taught in this culture that, wait a minute, the goal is to make my kids happy. The goal is to appease their needs. And I really, really struggle with this.
(07:01):
First of all, because if it’s true, which I think it is, that we have a sin nature, that we have a draw towards sin, then their perception of what happiness is highly affected and influenced by this sin nature. And so therefore, I can’t trust what my kids come to me and ask for all the time in terms of what they think might make them happy. The second thing is that, and this may be old fashioned, but scripture both in the old and New Testament says, we’re called to be holy.
And I really think that Jesus wants our kids to be holy and we cannot make them that, and we should care about their emotions and their feelings and their physical health and all these things. But what are we doing and pursuing to not only model the holiness that God’s called to, but also challenging our kids? What’s it look like to be holy? Because I really find that human flourishing and joy and community and love come through understanding what it means to be holy and living out that grace and truth in light of that.
And that has been so much more valuable in our family than pursuing an unattainable goal of keeping my kids happy. And it’s got me in trouble sometimes too. Do you ever struggle with wanting to make your kids happy and then you do it and you realize within minutes it was a mistake?
Janel Greig (08:35):
Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think that’s one where we teach our kids through those actions or through this idea of this false narrative that we’re actually setting them up for failure, I think because if they’re expecting, okay, if God exists, he just wants me to be happy when something traumatic happens, then they’re likely going to abandon their faith because where’s God in that?
So I think absolutely, and I think you hit on this a little bit, Matt, but in God’s word we read that we will have difficult times. The Bible doesn’t promise happiness. It says you’re going to actually experience difficulty. And so Jesus wants our hearts. He wants, like you said, our holiness. He wants that and we’ll have that eternal joy eventually, but not temporary, not temporary comfort.
Dr. Matt Jones (09:31):
And can I make it a little bit worse with one Peter two, it seems to indicate because of who Christ is and what he’s done, it says in one Peter two, we’re called to suffer. And so that doesn’t mean we do intentional things to make our children hurt. However, part of following Christ is, man, you’re going to be different than your culture. We’re going to care about your character more than your comfort.
(09:57):
And I think that’s just been helpful, but also painful at times in our family because our kids’, friends, both at church and at school, they see parents making decisions to appease their children when I think it actually demonstrates a lack of love for the kid. Oh, I just said that. I just said that. So anyway, I’m curious also, as I’m thinking through the things we’ve been talking about and wrestling with, what do you think of the phraseology, “believe in yourself”? I don’t know why I said that with a throat break there, but believe in yourself. What stands out to you in that one, Janel?
Janel Greig (10:42):
Oh, Matt. I tend to be more cynical about phrases probably than I should, but I think it’s also having, and I think that part of that comes from truly my personal experience of falling victim to that. And so I do think it’s important as we’re saying these, if somebody’s like I say that it’s not a shameful or it’s an awareness because oftentimes the Christianese words or these sayings we say, and they become habitual and we don’t realize what we’re saying or what worldview we’re even possibly promoting to our kids by saying to them.
Believe in yourself is one that, man, I hear it all the time, especially in sports. I hear the coaches not necessarily hear at the Christian school I work at, but I hear coaches say, believe in yourself, you can do this. And in a culture where we’re constantly being told to believe in yourself, it’s very upside down in the Bible because it offers a different framework. Scripture doesn’t deny having confidence, healthy confidence or using the abilities that God has given you.
Dr. Matt Jones (11:42):
Absolutely.
Janel Greig (11:43):
But it does warn us against trusting ourselves as the source of truth, goodness, security, doing all that we can. What do you think about this one, Matt? Have you heard this a lot?
Dr. Matt Jones (11:55):
Yeah. Yeah. And I appreciate you bringing that in. And there’s a caveat to this for me, which I agree, believe in yourself, and I really appreciate you saying, listen, if you’re saying these things, you don’t have to agree with us. But think about the implications of what you’re saying because it removes the opportunity for you to recognize and your children to recognize that, hey, wait a minute. There is something greater than yourself to rely on.
And so whenever you buy into some of the language of “believe in yourself,” you actually may be making yourself an idol or teaching your kids to be an idol. However, and I appreciate you bringing this caveat in earlier, we’ve got to recognize we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are image bearers. And so there’s value there. And as I was listening to a podcast, Tim Keller was preaching and he was quoting, and I forget the name that he was quoting, but I wrote down the quote, he said, pride is faith in the idea that God had when he made you.
(12:57):
Pride is the faith in the idea that God had when he made you. And I think that’s pretty profound. If I’m saying I’m going to believe in who God created me to be, then I’m really happy and content with that. However, if I’m saying, listen, I’m believing in myself at the expense of the recognition of who God’s created me to be and communicate that to kids. We’re not challenging our kids to recognize how God has made us fearfully and wonderfully. And I want to bring my kids back to that as much as I can, as much as I can.
Janel Greig (13:35):
Absolutely.
Dr. Matt Jones (13:36):
Now, you were drinking a drink there and a little thing came up on your mug, and I’m just curious, okay, what does this say? “Don’t follow your heart.” Okay. Yeah. And so that’s contradicting what phrase?
Janel Greig (13:50):
Jeremiah 17:9 is the scripture, don’t follow your heart. And it’s countering the cultural phrase of, “just follow your heart.”
Dr. Matt Jones (14:00):
Yeah. Did you know there’s a song about that? Have you heard the song? Listen to Your Heart. I’m singing it through my nose because I like to make fun of it.
Janel Greig (14:08):
That’s old school, Matt.
Dr. Matt Jones (14:09):
I know. You know this song?
Janel Greig (14:12):
Yeah. It probably wasn’t heart that I don’t even know who the singer was. I totally know that song.
Dr. Matt Jones (14:16):
Yeah. Okay. I sing that in my classes. I go, listen, this is garbage. Don’t follow your heart. But anyway, explain why, Janel.
Janel Greig (14:24):
It’s well, as my mug so wisely says, Jeremiah 17:9 says, the heart is deceitful above all things. And I think when people use the term, just follow your heart. It sounds freeing, but scripture tells us, especially there in Jeremiah 17, that it’s actually dangerous. The Bible teaches us that the human heart is deceptive, shaped by sin, not a reliable guide for truth or goodness.
And so when we are told to ignore reason and simply obey our desires, the result can be destructive. The saying itself of, “follow your heart” assumes that our inner desires are trustworthy, that authenticity equals goodness. Fulfillment comes from self-expression and feelings. As most of us that have experienced any element of life, we know that feelings make terrible foundations for truth.
Dr. Matt Jones (15:19):
Yeah. I’m laughing at that. I’m laughing at that because man, if I followed my heart, I would be fired today. Summit would not probably let me continue in doing these podcasts because first of all, they have boundaries and standards that I’m very grateful for. But also I know the depth of wickedness in my heart.
But here’s the other thing that makes it, I think this is where it’s a half truth or something we’ve got to recognize, because when you think about Psalm 37, verse four, delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. This is where that tension comes in. Because wait a minute, is everything going on in my heart problematic? And I was just wondering how you would respond to that.
Janel Greig (16:04):
The desires of our heart. I think that’s a scripture we could really unpack. It’s interesting on a professional development day at school, we dug into that pretty deep a while back, and I think God does want to give us the desires of our hearts if they’re for him. And part of that is focusing on living a life for him, living in his will.
(16:26):
A bright, bright person once told me the safest place to be is in God’s will. And that doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy not following my heart, but that’s where God wants us. I think it’s important too. And the Psalm, we read this a lot in Psalms, and that’s one of them where there are a lot of emotions and God gives us emotions. And as a parent, we taught our kids, your emotions are good. God gave you those for a reason.
But when they start impacting somebody else, that’s not okay. And if we’re following those, that’s not okay following them alone. So I think there’s a balance of teaching our kids. We read in the Psalms that God does desire to give us the desires of our heart when that full scope of what that intent is brought into consideration. And that kind of brings in the component of, don’t ever read just a Bible verse, right?
(17:17):
Always look at the context and what’s surrounding that. And I do think as we’re talking about this, Matt, this makes me think, and I don’t have any stats in front of me, so I’m just going to kind of throw this out as a general statement, but Barna, Pew, as well as the state of the Bible studies that have all come out over the last three years talk about the percentages or lack of percentages of Christians that are actually reading their Bible on a regular basis.
And that’s a problem, if we don’t know what God’s word says. When we hear these catchy phrases, we think, well, yeah, that’s truth. And then teach that to our kids. And then again, that sends them on a different worldview path potentially for their lens.
Dr. Matt Jones (17:56):
And I think it’s problematic when we as parents buy into some of these statements and continue to say them without having the skills or the ability or the upside down approach to say, just because it’s being said doesn’t mean I should not only buy into it, but doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go and put those claims and those statements to the test. Absolutely. And I think that is an upside down parenting approach and can actually be an incredible way to teach your kids. Hey, as you’re sitting around the table, what do you guys think of this phrase? “You are enough.”
Or my family, over the Christmas break, one of my favorite nights was my son said, all right, what’s your favorite hot take? And all five, well, the four of us were there. My daughter was visiting her fiance’s family, and we each shared a hot take, and I think we ended up talking for an hour and a half about each of these hot takes and whether or not they were true, whether or not they were accurate. What is the half truth in there? What’s the deception in there?
And it actually can be a lot of fun if you’re sitting around the table and you say, hey, I was listening to this crazy podcast with this lady named Janel and Matt. They reminded me of some phrases that I may have said or our family may have adopted, but we really need to think about these. And I got one more. Do we have time for one more, Janel?
Janel Greig (19:21):
Do it. Do it.
Dr. Matt Jones (19:22):
Alright. What do you think of the one, “you can be anything you want”?
Janel Greig (19:30):
I think that’s a tricky one because I think there’s a desire again, and it’s from intent. I think the intent of the use of all of these is good. I think there’s a desire to provide comfort, to provide encouragement to build.
Dr. Matt Jones (19:42):
That’s a good point. Yeah.
Janel Greig (19:43):
Somebody up. And so I think again, that’s why it’s important to be aware of what we’re saying. And I think you can be anything you want to be is one that can be very, very much misused. I think encouraging our kids in their giftings and what God has equipped them with and where he’s pointing them to is a better way to phrase it than you can do anything you want because I can’t do anything that I want to do. Have you engaged in that one with your kids personally or do you have the biblical flip to what that would be?
Dr. Matt Jones (20:17):
Well, that’s a good question. I don’t know how often I’ve said this to my kids, but you could be anything God wants you to be. I think I love that. Right?
Janel Greig (20:26):
That’s fantastic, yes.
Dr. Matt Jones (20:27):
Even Jesus, whenever he’s in the garden of Gethsemane, what’s he say? He says, not my will, but yours be done. And that’s a whole level of different, but I mean even Jesus was facing limitations in terms of where he wanted to go next and what he wanted to do to some degree when he prays in that garden. So I can tell, hey, listen, kiddos, you could be anything God wants you to be.
And hopefully that’s a reminder that listen, first of all, seek out what God has for you. Seek out the gifts and talents and abilities that He’s given you. Recognize who He’s made you to be and live in that fearful and wonderful creation of you because you are fearfully and wonderfully made. He has, according to Ephesians chapter 2, verse 10, he has works set aside for you that we should walk in them.
(21:18):
And he’s created us accordingly to be able to walk in those. And so I get really nervous about the language. You can be anything you want to be, but I don’t want to squelch a dream that maybe God has placed on their heart or because I wanted to be a baseball player for the longest time. I was left-handed, pretty good pitcher. And then I had an injury. And it was like, all right, well, that probably means that in this particular case, this is not where God wanted me to be. And so he led me in another direction.
But my parents were good also. They never said, you can be anything you wanted to be. But they also encouraged and empowered me to pursue being a baseball player for the longest time, but not at the expense of some other values. So that was probably a longer answer than you were looking for there, Janelle. But that was my initial thought in terms of the flip side of how we can communicate that idea that, listen, God has created you for incredible things, but that doesn’t mean you can be anything you want to be.
Janel Greig (22:28):
I love that. And I love that throwback too, to your personal experience and that encouragement your parents continue to give you. And that’s as a parent, absolutely still encourage our kids, but I think that pointing them and directing them to who God wants you to be, and that’s the most important thing, right?
Dr. Matt Jones (22:44):
Yeah, I appreciate that. And it’s been good to talk to you about some of these common phrases that we hear. And again, we want you all to think about them and wrestle with them. And as we do this upside down parenting, maybe not buy into some of the things that culture communicates, that scripture is clearly, I’ve already used my word clearly, but clearly demonstrated that, listen, this is not the approach. Not only as an individual, but also as a member of a family trying to raise these kids.
So as parents, we’re all learning as we go. Maybe some of these phrases caught your attention, and maybe you need to go to your kids and say, you know what? This might not have been the best way to describe how we’re to live and how we’re to interact. So we’re going to get things wrong and we’re going to say the wrong things.
(23:36):
Sometimes we put words in either Jesus’s mouth or in scripture that really were never communicated. But the good news is this: God’s grace and his mercy doesn’t just cover our kids. It covers us too. And we need to acknowledge that. So this week, pay a little more attention to the words you use. Or if you’re watching something on tv, pause it for a second and say, Hey, did you hear that? What’s this communicating? Is it true? And let’s be shaped less by habit or pressure and more by the actual words and character of God. Because when our kids hear him clearly, they’re far more likely to trust him deeply.
So thanks for listening to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast with Janel and I. Janel, it’s always good to work with you, and we look forward to doing more episodes together. And if you like this episode, if it challenged you or encouraged you, share it with another parent and they just might need it, you just never know. And we’ll see you next time. Janelle, have a great week. God bless you, and let’s see what God does with this stuff.
Janel Greig (24:41):
Yeah, same to you, Matt. Thank you.