My Parents Limited My Screen Time. I’m Glad They Did w/ Noelle Pellicane | Ep. 62

Episode 62: Summary & Transcript

Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Episode Summary

What does it actually feel like to be the kid whose parents said no to smartphones and social media? In this episode, 19-year-old Noelle Pellicane joins hosts Janel and Matt to share her firsthand experience growing up with strong technology boundaries. From feeling like an “alien” in high school to becoming genuinely grateful for her parents’ decisions, Noelle offers a rare and refreshingly honest perspective that every parent wrestling with screen time needs to hear.

Episode Transcript

Janel Greig (00:01):
Welcome back to Upside Down Parenting. We are continuing our special series on what it looks like to raise thriving kids who follow Jesus in a technology saturated world. In our first two episodes, we talked with Arlene Pellicane about why families may need a tech reset and how parents can begin establishing healthier technology habits at home. If you missed those conversations, be sure to go back and check them out.

But today we want to hear from someone who experienced those boundaries from the other side firsthand. Arlene’s daughter, Noelle. What is it actually like to be the kid whose parents set limits around screens and technology? Was it frustrating? Did she feel like she was missing out? And now that she’s older, what does she think about the decisions that her parents made? Noelle, welcome to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. Matt and I are so excited to have you here.

Noelle Pellicane (00:53):
Well, thank you for having me.

Dr. Matt Jones (00:55):
You were the surprise that we referred to in the first episode, so no pressure.

Noelle Pellicane (01:00):
Surprise.

Janel Greig (01:00):
It’s going to be great. Let’s start with your childhood, Noelle. You’re now 19 years old. What did technology look like in your home growing up and what kind of boundaries did your parents have?

Noelle Pellicane (01:14):
Yeah, for sure. So growing up, elementary school, middle school, high school, it was always like we knew that we weren’t getting phones. We didn’t even ask because we knew the answer was going to be no. It was very clear. Elementary school, it was a lot of outdoor activities, playing with siblings, a lot of reading for me. We found a lot of ways to keep ourselves amused for sure.

And then as I transitioned into middle school, high school, then obviously the school gives us devices. So I had an iPad, computer. So things shifted a little bit, whereas I could obviously use a computer for homework, but there was still a line of. There was no video games in our house, no social media, no cell phones. So there was still very much so a lot that we didn’t have. But at the time I didn’t feel a lack in a sense.

(02:12):
It just felt normal because that’s always what I had known and grown up around. And then it became a lot more clear to me as I grew up and then in high school especially, you can start seeing the differences for sure when you’re the one kid without a phone in high school.

(02:27):
But it’s funny because I think I had a really cool experience when I would tell people that I didn’t have a phone. They would be so surprised. They would be shocked. They’d be like, “How do you do it? How do you survive?” You’re amazing. You alien.

Janel Greig (02:41):
Yeah.

Noelle Pellicane (02:42):
So I got a lot of more positive reactions than negative ones in high school, which I thought was really cool. And now looking back, I’m definitely very grateful to my parents for not allowing me to have that because I know that it just wouldn’t have helped at all. I think I would’ve been a little worse off for sure if I had social media going through high school. High school, it’s not the easiest time in life. And social media I think just adds to the problems for sure.

Dr. Matt Jones (03:12):
Thank you for sharing that. Did you ever feel like your parents were too strict about technology or maybe even not strict enough?

Noelle Pellicane (03:21):
Yeah. I think there was definitely a good level of, you can definitely use the computer. I was on the computer a lot. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. I did my fair share of YouTube videos. In that sense, there was some leeway there, so where I could choose if I wanted to be on screens or not.

I think it was very interesting to me to see, also, my parents were strict in different ways. So what I mean by that is when it came to having a cell phone, it was like that was a very clear boundary. I wasn’t getting a cell phone. But then let’s say if I wanted to go out with my friends after school, it was very simple like, “Okay, I’m going to be here at this time.” And my parents would be like, “Okay, great. See you later.” Whereas I know for a lot of my other friends, they would have to tell their parents weeks in advance.

(04:15):
They’d have to try to jump through hoops to try and go somewhere else aside from their house. So their parents were a lot more strict in terms of where they were and knowing where they were and not giving them freedom in that sense, although they had a lot more freedom digitally.

So I thought that that dynamic was interesting too, and I could feel the trust that my parents had in me that even though I didn’t have a cell phone, they would allow me to do things on my own independently after school. So in that sense, I feel like they were able to balance that strictness in some areas and then freedom in others.

Dr. Matt Jones (04:48):
So what would you say to the parent or maybe even the kid, I’ll let you decide or the young adult. I’ll say it like that. Sorry. I’m not calling you a kid, Noelle. But what would you say to the one that says, “Listen, I just can’t make it through junior high or high school without a phone?”

Noelle Pellicane (05:05):
Yeah. Well, I think the first question I would ask was why do you think that and how did you come to that conclusion?

Dr. Matt Jones (05:13):
Listen to that. That’s some good questions, Noelle.

Janel Greig (05:15):
Yeah, those are tactics right there.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:17):
That’s right.

Noelle Pellicane (05:19):
Yeah. So I think that really gets more to the heart of why you think you want to have a phone. I think a lot for girls at least it boils down to connection a lot of the time. And I think that’s a really big myth that, oh, I will be more connected. I’ll have more friends if I’m just able to finally get a phone, finally able to get social media.

But I mean, if we put our minds to it and we really think through it, we can kind of realize, no, there’s definitely a disconnect there. If social media really was this gateway to these deep, meaningful connections, then why are we all so anxious and depressed? This is not working out.

Janel Greig (05:59):
Yep, absolutely. Noelle, I’m curious, did your experience and your not having social media and a phone influence any of your friend group or peers when they would find out, “Yeah, she doesn’t have a phone. Oh, maybe I’ll dial back too. Maybe I don’t need that.” Did you see that domino effect at all?

Noelle Pellicane (06:16):
Yeah, I did, definitely a little bit. For when I would have lunch with my friends in high school, a lot of the natural instinct in conversations to pull out your phone, but then people would always realize that I wasn’t pulling out a phone with them and then that would be like, “Oh, she doesn’t have her phone out. I should put mine away.” So I definitely saw that happen a few times, which is kind of cool.

Janel Greig (06:40):
Yeah, that’s a positive influence. So you talked about never really even considering asking for a phone in the sense that you guys knew, you and your brother and sister knew that growing up the access wouldn’t be there. Did your parents ever explain why they were setting these boundaries?

Noelle Pellicane (06:55):
Yeah, for sure. And I think that was a really important part of it too. My mom obviously, doing what she does, she writes books about this, so it was very clear why we weren’t getting a phone. I think they respected us too, so they wanted us to understand the why behind this decision, which I think is really important too because then once your kid does get old enough and then they do get the phone and then it’s like you never really told them why you were doing that, then they’re just going to be like, “Okay, finally, freedom.”

But because my parents explained to me, “Okay, these are the dangers that we see. We don’t want this happening to you.” Number one, that made me feel more like, “Okay, my parents are doing this more out of love than out of a withholding this from me.” And then it helped me too once I finally did get my phone, it’s like I understood the risks that were associated with it. Sure. Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (07:48):
That’s good. So I’m just curious to know, were there, and I know we’re a little bit older, but were there boundaries that your parents set up regarding technology? What stood out to you regarding that?

Janel Greig (08:01):
Man, I’ll tell you what, there’s nothing besides technology that makes you feel old of talking about technology, just how far it’s come, right? I mean, we have the digital natives that are the generations behind us, but Matt, my parents, we didn’t even have a TV in our house till I was in middle school. And I grew up on a farm, so we were outside all the time.

And I think once we actually got a TV, when we would watch it, well, and it might have been even a few years after we got it, we would actually rent a VCR from the local blockbuster video store. It was an event and we’d watch those TV shows or the movies as a family. So what we are trying to do as a family now, having conversations when we’re watching things, there were a lot, I guess, stricter rails just because of the availability.

(08:47):
And then being at that age when we were first exposed to it, I think we were so busy with jobs and extracurricular activities that there wasn’t a desire for that to take over. That was just a normal rhythm of life. But I do remember in college when I think we got our first computer and it was AOL online, you had to wait for the dial up.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:06):
Oh, it was so slow.

Janel Greig (09:07):
I know, but even then it took so long, things weren’t instant like they are now when you hold that in your hand. So I think the exposure was just so different for us. But what about you? Did you have exposure to tech and what did that look like in your house?

Dr. Matt Jones (09:21):
Yeah, it was interesting. My dad, they actually would send him technology products for him to write reviews on. Oh, interesting. And so we were kind of on the front end to a degree of the technology for a little while. And so he would be testing those things out with us, but we just had so many other things going on that we didn’t have to set really any time limits. I mean, we had sports, we had outside time, we had work. I mean, we had a small family business that, “Hey guys, you were supposed to work X number of hours every day.”

And so we had access to tech. We were constantly learning about it and it was more how are we going to use it? And so it was really interesting to grow up in that environment. In fact, my dad, they’re still sending him technology stuff up into his 60s and he’ll write reviews or whatnot. And he gets free tech stuff. And he’s like, “Hey guys, you need to try this stuff out.” But anyway, I am curious, Noelle, did you ever feel left out when it came to these things and how did you deal with that? And then I have a follow up on that.

Noelle Pellicane (10:34):
Okay.

Dr. Matt Jones (10:36):
After that. I’m sorry. I didn’t set you up well there. We can edit that whole thing. We’ll edit that part. Okay. Let me do that again. All right. Pause. This gives Andrew time to realize we’re going to start another thing. Okay. So Noelle, I’m just curious, did you ever feel left out and how did you deal with that? And then I have a follow-up question after you respond to that.

Noelle Pellicane (11:00):
Yeah, for sure. So in terms of being, there were definitely a lot of things that I would not get or things that I wouldn’t understand, even if it was just slang or something like that, a trend that I just had no idea would just go completely over my head in high school. So that was definitely a thing.

But I think for me, I didn’t really care because in some point too, I was like, a lot of this stuff is just kind of stupid. So it’s like I don’t feel like I’m, I like you Noelle. So it’s like even if I didn’t know the latest viral TikTok video, I was like, “It’s okay. I’m all right with that.”

Dr. Matt Jones (11:44):
And what would you say to parents who live in fear of their kids being left out and they just go, “You know what? I don’t want my kid to feel left out. They’re going to miss out on so much. I got to give them the tech.” What would you say to those parents? What advice would you give?

Noelle Pellicane (12:00):
Yeah. So I would say that, well, I feel like you have to play the movie and look at what you want your kid’s life to look like down the line. So if you want them really, as a Christian too, you don’t want your kid to fit in. That’s not the point.

So I feel like in terms of motive, realizing, what do I actually want for my child? And I know that you obviously want your kid to be very connected and in a good community and then think is a phone and is social media the best way to get there? And in some aspects, it can help just like how messaging helps a lot now, being able to talk to friends after school.

But I think a lot of the times giving the phone or the social media, it will amplify your problems and it’ll probably make your child feel even more disconnected because now they can see so many other people’s lives and compare themselves and feel like, “Oh, I should be more like this person and this person.” And you don’t just have the people in your high school class to compare yourself to.

(13:18):
Now you have literally thousands of people all around the world. And yeah, so I would really encourage that parent to think a few years ahead down the line to where you want your kid to be.

Dr. Matt Jones (13:30):
That’s really insightful. And Noelle, I really appreciate you gave us insight that reflects what we’re trying to do with the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. The goal of you as a parent is not to teach your kid to fit in. The goal as a parent is to help them become more like Jesus and to help them understand what they believe and why. And that is not only going to be different, but also, I mean, Jesus was different. He did pretty well while he was on earth. So thanks a lot for that, Noelle.

Janel Greig (13:59):
Yeah. Yeah, that’s great insight. Noelle, curious about when you were growing up spending less time on screens, what did you guys do instead? This might be a novel thing for some of our listeners, but what do you see became a bigger part of your childhood experience because you weren’t dialed in with technology?

Noelle Pellicane (14:19):
Yeah, for sure. So me and all my siblings, we have a lot of hobbies. So I’ll ask a lot of my friends, “What do you like to do for fun?” I ask this question a lot to other people and a lot of the times it’s just like, “I like to hang out. I go on my phone, maybe play some video games,” which is kind of sad. But for me, it’s like I love to draw. I love to read. We played sports. I play tennis. All of my siblings, we all play the piano, like to cook. So lots of different things that we’ve all kind of picked up and it’s just fun.

I feel like you get to learn a lot more and having a hobby that’s not on screens I think is also so healthy because it’s like after a day of school or work where you’re just looking at a screen and you want to relax, it’s like, yeah, you could just watch TV and look at more screens or you could read a book or play a game outside or draw something. So that’s kind of what we did.

Janel Greig (15:20):
Love it. What’s your favorite book, Noelle?

Noelle Pellicane (15:23):
Oh, that’s hard.

Janel Greig (15:24):
Yeah?

Noelle Pellicane (15:25):
That’s very hard.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:26):
Give us a top two or three. How’s that?

Noelle Pellicane (15:28):
Top two. Well, I’m a huge nerd, so just exposing myself here. So I love sci-fi and then I also love very classic literature. So right now I’m in the middle of reading Les Mis, which is a doozy of a book. It’s huge. But it is so good.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:50):
Have you cried yet?

Noelle Pellicane (15:51):
Oh, I have. I have. Yes, for sure.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:54):
Good.

Noelle Pellicane (15:54):
It’s one of those books where it cuts to the heart of you for sure.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:58):
So I’m just curious now that you’re technically out of the house to a degree, what habits that you grew up with did you maintain or boundaries that you have kept when it comes to technology that you’ve learned from your parents? And then one more thing with that, what do you intend to do as a parent? Have you thought about that yet?

Noelle Pellicane (16:23):
Yeah. So I’ll answer your first question first. Sorry, could you repeat it? I forgot.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:31):
Yeah. So do you still practice any of the habits or boundaries you grew up with?

Noelle Pellicane (16:37):
Yeah. So I think what we were talking about earlier about the hobbies, that’s definitely stayed with me. So now if I have hours of free time, it’s like I’m not going to go on my phone. It’s like, no, I really have been wanting to draw this or finish this book or do something like that. So that’s definitely stayed with me.

And then since I do, I do have a phone now, but I definitely try and limit screen time. So I do look at my screen time a lot to try and keep it in line. So I think that’s also something that my parents, they taught me the risks, and now I’m kind of figuring it out for myself and it’s still a boundary that I keep in place for myself. I try to not go too much over an hour of screen time a day. That’s kind of my goal.

Janel Greig (17:23):
Good.

Noelle Pellicane (17:24):
Yeah. And then in terms of when I have kids, which is, I got to think a lot further down the line for that one.

Dr. Matt Jones (17:31):
It’s okay if not, but I just remember saying, I really want to do this when I’m a parent, when I was in college. Because you start leaving the house and you’re like, “Man, my parents did some cool stuff and then there’s some things I just didn’t really care for.” And so I started thinking about those things in college. So I was just curious if that has crossed your mind.

Noelle Pellicane (17:53):
Yeah. I definitely have thought when I do have kids, I’m not going to give them a phone or a tablet or any of that. For sure, elementary school, probably middle school. I’m sure by that time too, technology will have advanced so much that there might be a different thing that I need to worry about. But I think definitely critical in those developing stages and years of a child not for them to have a tablet right in front of their face. So for sure.

Janel Greig (18:23):
Noelle, I’m curious, one of the things we talked to your mom about on one of the prior episodes was physical books versus Kindle type books. Do you do both? And if so, do you have a preference? Do you see a difference, being limited on screens growing up versus now I can read either?

Noelle Pellicane (18:40):
Yeah, I use both. And I do actually love my Kindle because I get a bunch of books at the library. So you can get an ebook at the library and it’s just really fast for me. So I don’t have super strong feelings. There is something nice about reading a real book, but yeah, I do like my Kindle.

Janel Greig (19:01):
Accessibility. Yeah.

Noelle Pellicane (19:03):
Not having a huge book in your backpack also really helps.

Janel Greig (19:05):
Yeah.

Noelle Pellicane (19:07):
Yeah, exactly.

Janel Greig (19:07):
And then I got to go back because we didn’t get it from you. What’s your favorite sci-fi book?

Noelle Pellicane (19:12):
Oh yeah. So right now I’m in the middle of the series called The Expanse.

Dr. Matt Jones (19:22):
Okay. I’ve heard of this.

Noelle Pellicane (19:23):
It’s really good. It hooked me. It did.

Janel Greig (19:27):
That might be one I’ll forward for my kids. So taking tips from you.

Dr. Matt Jones (19:32):
So I’ve got a question and if it catches you off guard, I apologize, but is there a question that we did not ask that you kind of hoped we would in light of this whole topic of tech, teens, which I know you’re beyond, well, you’re 19, but being out of the home, is there a question you would really like us to ask or something you really want to impart for our listeners, for our parents that are really wrestling with this? Because I think almost every family is wrestling with this to some degree. What wisdom or insight would you want to give?

Noelle Pellicane (20:09):
Yeah. Well, I think that there’s this fear, also that if you don’t give your kids maybe access to this tech, that they’re going to fall behind. And obviously as a parent, you don’t want that. You want to give your kids access to the latest and greatest. You want them to shine.

And I think that one of the greatest gifts my parents did give me was not giving me that direct access to technology and it really didn’t slow me down or hinder me. So I think I would want to leave that to a parent who’s really struggling with that.

And then also to realize that as your kid gets older, these boundaries and these lines, your kid starts to get more freedom. So now when I was starting to grow up in my senior year of high school, it was kind of like, okay, if you want to get a phone now, it’s up to you. You can choose that if you want. We think you’re mature enough where you can make that choice.

(21:10):
And for me, that was beautiful that my parents would trust me. And then also I was old enough where I could realize the dangers of this. And then also on a different note, I was on the computer quite a bit. In college, I use tech all the time.

Dr. Matt Jones (21:30):
Right. With your major, you have to.

Noelle Pellicane (21:32):
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So even with AI and all that stuff, I’m a tech optimist for sure. So I use it a lot, a lot now. And not having it as a kid definitely didn’t hinder me at all in using it now today. I think it gave me the ability for my brain to really form where I can think things through and not have the machine think for me. So I think that was very important.

And yeah, I would encourage parents to just really think of what life you want for your kids as they grow up and to be very intentional about these things because this is not going to be easy. If you end up not giving your kid the phone, it’s not going to all be sunshine and rainbows. So it’s going to take work, but I feel like that’s why you probably became a parent, right? You knew this was going to be hard work, but it’s worthwhile.

Dr. Matt Jones (22:22):
Well, yeah, the kids are worthwhile. And I should say, my wife and I have been working with college students for 25 years. And again, it is amazing the difference when parents have taught their children as they become young adults, how to not just survive, but thrive without relying too much on technology. You can just tell, you can just tell in a classroom, you can tell in one-on-one interactions, and we can tell with talking with you today, Noelle. Absolutely. Thank you so much for joining us. Janel, before I close out, did you have any final questions or thoughts?

Janel Greig (22:56):
No, I think that last one was a great one to end on. Noelle, it’s been an absolute pleasure and I think our listeners are going to glean hearing directly from somebody who experienced what the tech reset is about. So thank you for sharing with us.

Dr. Matt Jones (23:10):
Yeah. And I got goose chills right now, so that’s a good thing, Noelle. I don’t usually get those at the end. So we appreciate you joining us for giving us an honest look at what it was like growing up without some of the tech and having some strong technology boundaries.

For parents listening, I think Noelle’s story is a great reminder of what healthy boundaries can make possible. Being intentional with technology can create more space for our children to build meaningful relationships, grow in wisdom, deepen their faith, and experience more of the real world around them.

So if you want to learn more about putting these ideas into practice in your own family, you can pre-order a free, and let me free copy of Noelle’s mom’s book, The Great Tech Reset at techresetbook.com. And it officially releases on September 29th, 2026. Stay with us as we continue this series on raising flourishing kids in a technology saturated world.

(24:09):
I was putting technology and saturated together. I have a tendency to do that sometimes. So thank you for listening and we’ll see you next time on Upside Down Parenting Podcast. Noelle, thank you for your time. Janel, great to partner with you on this project.

Janel Greig (24:22):
Always, Matt. Thanks, Noelle.

Noelle Pellicane (24:24):
Of course. Thank you.