How to Reset Your Family’s Relationship with Tech w/ Arlene Pellicane | Ep. 61, Pt. 2

Episode 61: Summary & Transcript

Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Episode Summary

In this follow-up conversation, author and speaker Arlene Pellicane returns to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast to move families from awareness to action in their relationship with technology. Arlene shares practical, grace-filled strategies for setting boundaries, handling pushback from kids, and rebuilding the real-life skills and connections that screens have quietly eroded. Whether your family is just beginning to address tech use or is deep in the trenches, this episode offers a clear, compassionate roadmap for change.

Episode Transcript

Dr. Matt Jones (00:00):
Welcome back to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. We are continuing our special series on what it looks like to raise flourishing kids in a tech saturated world and help our families build a healthier relationship with technology.

In our first episode, Arlene Pellicane joined us to talk about why our families need a tech reset or recess. Actually, recess works too, doesn’t it? That totally works. I loved recess as a kid. Maybe that was just in the back of my mind. If you missed that conversation, go back and check it out.

But today we’re moving from awareness to action. How can we set healthy boundaries, establish better family rhythms, and teach our kids to use technology as a tool rather than let it become their or even our master. Arlene, welcome back. So in your book, The Great Tech Reset, you give parents practical ways to rethink their family’s relationship with technology.

(00:58):
So let’s start with the parent who listened to our last conversation and though, okay, I admit our family needs a reset. I admit it’s become an idol. Where do you think they should actually begin?

Arlene Pellicane (01:10):
I think your little recess thing at the beginning is brilliant because – Thank you. I think I might even use this. So tech reset, it is recess. Please go have some recess. What was recess? If you’re lucky enough to still have recess at your school, that was in between times of learning. Please go have fun. Please go run around and do something physical. Please go look at other people and make up a game and all these things.

And really, I think when we come to a tech reset, we can be like, oh no, this is going to be awful. We go full EOR, this is going to be terrible. No one’s going to do it. Everybody’s going to hate me. It’s going to last for two days and then we’re going to be back to exactly where we started. It’s never going to work. We have way too much to do. And maybe we just start with, hey guys, we all need a break.

(02:01):
And just like the same way we’d have recess and be like, let’s just go have fun. I think having that mindset about we’re going to reset our tech because we have to discover how to have fun again. I think that’s a great place to start for families because what are we saying? We don’t want to sit in our rooms for eight hours a day. We don’t want you to sit in your room for eight hours a day.

We want you to start sleeping all night so you could wake up and actually be a pleasant person, which is great for the parents, for us, and it’s great for their teachers, for their friends, and most of all for your child themselves. They don’t want to wake up all grumpy and awful and everything. So let’s start in that position of, hey, let’s take a break and it’d be good, positive.

(02:45):
Let’s have that as we’re presenting this to our family. Let’s have this, hey guys, I got a great idea. I was listening to the upside down podcast. I got this great idea. We’re going to do something so awesome. It’s going to be amazing. And then take time, pray, ask the Lord, Lord, we need wisdom. We don’t know what to do. We don’t know how to start. You show us.

And if you’re listening, you’re either going to do something proactive to pre-decide about your future. You’re going to say, okay, I’m glad I heard this. I’m going to do X, Y, and Z for my kids when they grow up. Or maybe you’re listening and you’re like, oh wow, I feel awful because we’re so in the trenches of this. Everyone’s got their own tablets, everyone’s on video games, everyone’s on social media. How are we going to possibly turn this ship around?

(03:34):
And please know you are the majority of families. So you’re not like, oh, I can’t believe this happened to you. It’s normal what you’re experiencing. And so think of, okay, let’s assess where are we? Maybe write the names of your children down.

And then I would suggest thinking through casual, at risk, addicted and taking the name of each of your children and saying, do they have a casual relationship with technology? They’re using it a little, but it’s really not a big deal in their life. Are they at risk? Yeah, they look at it kind of a lot and they’re always asking, I’m only allowed to play video games on the weekend. Why can’t I play on weekdays? Everybody else does. Or mom, why won’t you let me get TikTok? Dad, why won’t you let me get Instagram?

So they’re at risk. They’re thinking about it a lot. And then addicted, you know like, oh wow, you haven’t showered for two days. You hardly do your homework. You stay in your room for hours at a time and you won’t come out for dinner.

(04:33):
And when we go on family vacation, you can’t handle it because we’re away from wifi and we have a problem. So kind of assess, where are each of your children? And then let’s think about specifics, instead of just saying we’re going to do better or we’ll do it less, be very specific.

Like, hey, we’re going to take Sunday as a Sabbath for our family and all of us are going to not go on screens and we’re going to go for a bike ride, then we’re going to have a picnic, then we’re going to pick up wall ball, then we’re going to all learn how to whatever it is that we’re going to learn and have replace it with some. And it doesn’t have to be expensive. I mean, it doesn’t. You just can walk around, find a pretty place within an hour of your house and walk around.

(05:16):
It’s free. So just replace it with something and just start somewhere specific and start there. And then once you have your, oh, now we’re at our Sabbath where we give our brains a rest and wow, look, we’re even following a commandment at the same time. This is awesome. So you just do one thing and then you add another thing. A lot of people will start with a screen free meal, which is a great place to start that.

(05:42):
Hey, we’re going to eat. So first of all, let’s gather around the table so no more of you in the living room, you up in your bedroom, me in the car. Everyone with their own little food, little gerbils, eating our little food in different places. We say, no, no, no. We’re going to gather around the table. We’re going to shoot for five to seven meals a week to begin. Really try.

And it could be breakfast, it could be lunch, it could be stacking a bunch of meals over the weekend, but shoot for this, that we’re going to have five to seven screen free meals a week. We’re not going to have the TV on. We’re not going to have YouTube on the background. You can have music, but that’s all. And we’re going to talk to each other again. And that’s a great way to start.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:25):
And I think having what you pointed out is having small attainable goals early on and build up is so important. Now, I’m sorry, Janel, we really do want to hear from you, but I had one follow-up question on that. Is that okay?

Janel Greig (06:36):
Go for it.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:37):
Yeah. All right, great. Thank you. So I am just curious, what was you and/or your husband’s together or individually toughest technology to reset on or recess or maybe even give up?

Arlene Pellicane (06:50):
Yeah. I think it’s the nighttime. So he watches YouTube at night and he’ll watch, it’s hilarious. We’re midlife. It’s filled with things with stocks, with your hip hurting. It’s got medical stuff, it’s got business, et cetera. And then I like to work. So if I think like, oh, I have a few minutes, everybody’s doing something. I’ll check emails or something. Or maybe I’m working on a book and I’m writing a chapter. So he’ll be like, “Hey, it is past dinner. Turn off your computer.”

(07:24):
And then I’ll be like, “You are on YouTube again. Get off of YouTube.” So those are kind of, I think, are things. And I do want to say also about that first question, if you have a child who’s really addicted, you can definitely start with that small win.

And I absolutely encourage it, but you’re also going to couple that with shock and awe that most likely if you see this is really a problem, then you’re going to go like, “Hey guys, we’re going to do 30 days, no phone, and we’re going to see what happens.” So there are times for those small doables and there’s other times for shock and awe.

Janel Greig (08:02):
Yeah. Very good advice, Arlene. With regards to that, every family is different. So how do parents decide what technology boundaries are actually right for their family? In your book, you lay out, kind of, three plans, which I love, but how does a family go about, okay, this plan is the right plan for us, or maybe there’s some buffet picking a little bit from each plan. And then on top of that too, are there any boundaries that you feel like are non-negotiable for all families?

Arlene Pellicane (08:31):
Yeah. We are all great at making excuses, right? So I think, oh, well, that won’t work for us because we need it for this. My child needs it for this. So really look at what does my child really need? Not what they want, not what they’re begging for, not what. When you get the book, The Great Tech Reset, a lot of these things like the myth of, oh, my child can’t have a friend if they are not on social media or my child can’t do well in school or how it’s going to happen in a school emergency if my child doesn’t have a phone.

So we’re going to really address these myths in depth in the free book, The Great Tech Reset. So you’re thinking you really have to be a little harsh on yourself and on your kids in the sense of what do you really need this for?

(09:16):
Because we’ll think of all sorts of reasons why we need things. So kind of strip it down to, okay, what do we really need? And then dream a little bit. Think like in 5 years, in 10 years, how old is my child going to be? What skills are they going to need in their life to be successful? And I’m talking about people skills, financial skills, spiritual skills.

Are they going to be able to do their homework on their own? Will they be able to read at grade level? Are they going to be a caring and compassionate and an empathetic human being? Are they going to be able to pursue God? You’re thinking of these things and that’s what’s informing you of, well, wait a minute, if they’re on TikTok four hours a day, they are not going to turn into that adult that loves the true, the beautiful, and the good.

(10:02):
They’re going to be fed something else. So there does have to be this deep sense of why, and that will inform. A lot of times what’s going to happen, you’re going to see what you don’t want. And when you see what you don’t want, that’s going to show you what’s important to you.

So for instance, for my husband, he was a realtor and he was showing this family around. Our kids were really small, like three and one. And he’s showing this family around and the kids did not look up once. We were looking at tablets the whole time in the car, not looking at their new town, nothing. And then when they got to all these homes that they would potentially buy, the kids went straight to the couch and just sat there. They did not explore the rooms. They did not go outside. And he was stunned.

(10:48):
Why do they not care what room they’re going to have? Why do they not care? Don’t they want to choose which neighborhood they liked best? And he was stunned. So seeing that made him think, my children will never be that way. They will be looking outside the window. They’ll be running and fighting over what room they want and which has the view and all that.

So I think when we as families realize what we don’t want, honest, we don’t want the kid in the basement at 22. We don’t want the girl who is anxious and cutting herself because she’s been watching TikTok all day. You get it. Once you get really in your soul, I don’t want that. And you’re disgusted. You’re truly disgusted. How can these social media companies and big tech, how can they hurt my kids in this way and why in the world am I paying for it?

(11:36):
So when you get in that place of disgust, I think it really helps you to say, okay, these are going to be our limits. These are going to be our boundaries. And yes, you can buffet pick. You can say, you know what? I’m a little scared to do this, so let me start with the screen-free mealtime and then let me go with the Sabbath on Sundays.

(11:55):
And then let’s incorporate game night on Thursdays that we play like a screen-free game. And then let me start taking my kids out just once a month, just me and a child. And you take turns. So every month you just take one kid out and you just keep rotating, but you’re having this one hour time with them face-to-face or shoulder to shoulder doing something where it’s screen-free. So you’re just starting these little habits.

And then the plans to me, if you have younger kids, the plans work very well. I have the platinum plan, the gold plan and the silver plan. I’m so glad you asked about them. So the platinum is what we have done, and that is no social media, no video games, and no personal device until the senior year in high school or older. The gold plan is the same, but you wait till age 16.

(12:45):
That’s what was talked about in The Anxious Generation. And I think Jonathan Haidt has talked about how he was trying to set something that people would actually kind of do, but as you talk to him and as you listen to him, he’ll say, “If you can wait longer, that would be better.”

And then the silver plan is, “Okay, my kids have devices, they have social media, et cetera, but I’m going to limit that to two hours or less a day of all that fun stuff, that addictive stuff, a one hour of exercise and a good night’s sleep.” And that’s the base for all of the plans, that they’re sleeping right, they’re exercising, and they have not too much digital, what I used to call candy, but my friend Claire Morrell has talked about it as fentanyl because it’s a lot stronger than candy.

Janel Greig (13:28):
Yeah. Well, Arlene, we’d love to jump into our speed round section of the show with you. And this is just an opportunity for us to get to know you a little bit more and our listeners to get to hear some fun facts about you. The only rule for this part of the show has to be a short answer, okay?

Arlene Pellicane (13:44):
Okay. Okay.

Janel Greig (13:45):
So first question, coffee or tea?

Arlene Pellicane (13:47):
Coffee. And what’s your go-to order? I love going out for coffee.

Janel Greig (13:51):
What kind of coffee?

Arlene Pellicane (13:51):
Oh, I have so many coffees, so I will fall back to the cappuccino when I’m trying to be more healthy. And then I love any kind of a honey latte, whatever their special is. Oh, there’s this rosemary sage latte. Oh my word, it’s so good. That sweet and kind of smoky. I love sweet and smoky and salty. Sweet, smoky, salty.

Janel Greig (14:13):
Get it all in there.

Arlene Pellicane (14:14):
Yeah, that sounds great.

Dr. Matt Jones (14:15):
That’s quite the combo. Well, I wonder if that brings an answer to mountains or beach, if you had to pick one.

Arlene Pellicane (14:22):
This is a tough one. I think earlier, so I’m very split. Earlier in my life I would’ve said beach and I almost still do, but my family loves, I don’t ski. I’m sorry, I’m already making it long. I tried, but I’m not good at it. But my family loves to ski, so we do a lot of mountains and I’m really starting to appreciate, mountains are so beautiful. So I’m just going to say mountains.

Dr. Matt Jones (14:42):
Oh, wow. Okay. Great.

Arlene Pellicane (14:44):
I know.

Janel Greig (14:44):
All right. What’s your favorite book that you’ve read in the past year or two?

Arlene Pellicane (14:48):
All right, this is a tough one. Well, it’s not a year or two. I was going to say Atomic Habits. I love Atomic Habits, so James Clear. And I did reread it in the last year or two, so I’m going to go with that one because I just think it’s so brilliant. Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:04):
All right. Early bird or night owl?

Arlene Pellicane (15:06):
Oh, neither. Neither.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:08):
Are you an all-day person, Arlene?

Arlene Pellicane (15:10):
No, I like to wake up at 7 and I like to go to bed at 10. So I don’t know what that makes me. Middle. Middle.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:17):
All right, good. All right. Did it change when you had kids or just kind of been that way?

Arlene Pellicane (15:21):
Yeah. Well, I had to skew it, right? But then when you can do it yourself, I’d be like, “Oh yeah, 7 is great. I love 7. 10, I’m tapping out.”

Janel Greig (15:30):
All right. Favorite board game to play with family or friends?

Arlene Pellicane (15:35):
I’m going to say Settlers of Catan right now. Oh, wow. Okay. I always lose, but it’s fun.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:40):
Do you like the expansion packs or you just go with the original?

Arlene Pellicane (15:44):
We’ve just done the original, so we have not traveled in such ways. Yes.

Dr. Matt Jones (15:48):
All right. Go-to comfort food after a long day.

Arlene Pellicane (15:52):
Oh, so many comfort foods. Chocolate. I love chocolate. Dark chocolate, chocolate with sea salt caramel and chocolate, some kind of combination like that is very lovely.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:02):
And we’re back to the beach. Smokies.

Janel Greig (16:04):
Yeah. Smoky. That’s right. All the salty. If you could choose to have dinner with any Bible character besides Jesus, who would you choose and why?

Arlene Pellicane (16:14):
Okay. I’m going to go with recency because I just heard a message about Mary, but I think Mary would be kind of cool. How cool would that be? So I’m going to say Mary because we know she’s willing, we know she’s faithful, we know she’s going to be there at the end of the cross, but there’s so many things that we wouldn’t know about her being a mother. So I think that’d be very interesting.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:33):
All right. What’s one word your kids would use to describe you? And just to give you a heads-up, we may ask this to your daughter to see how accurate you are.

Arlene Pellicane (16:42):
I have a leg up because we literally just had this conversation, where we all described each other. So I’m going to say enthusiastic. Enthusiastic. Kind of excitable.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:53):
I’m going to throw one in there that I think is just relevant to what we’ve been talking about. Did you see Toy Story 5? Yes or no?

Arlene Pellicane (17:00):
Yes. Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (17:00):
And what did you think?

Arlene Pellicane (17:02):
I thought it was amazing. I even thought it was heavy-handed at the beginning and I’m the tech guru. I just like, “Wow, they’re really throwing this tech under the bus.” But then I was like, “This is amazing.” I guess they had to do it to just set it up fast and that imagery of everybody on their phones and how they dealt with it and how they showed her interaction with the tablet and what the girls were saying and how that influenced what she did. I thought that was really brilliant. Okay.

Dr. Matt Jones (17:28):
I was just curious as someone who has – I thought it was really good. Yeah, done a ton of research. Is there anything at the end you would’ve done differently to challenge families or encourage families a little bit more?

Arlene Pellicane (17:39):
I really thought no. It could stand and hopefully that would still resonate to be like,” Oh, I want my child to have a real friend.” I think it was great. I think it was really good.

Dr. Matt Jones (17:50):
Cool. Well, thanks for your insight on that. I am curious because I have had parents come to me and say, “Listen, I just don’t want to deal with the fits, the tempers, the soleness when it comes to establishing the boundaries for tech because we’re having to make a shift.” So first of all, what would you say to that? But then second, how can parents make changes without turning technology into a constant battle?

Arlene Pellicane (18:16):
Yeah, I think a couple things. What other area of parenting do we say, “Oh, you know what? This is really important, but I’m not going to do anything because they’re going to throw a fit.” So if they’re going to cross the street, “Oh, they’re going to throw a fit, so I’m going to let them cross the street.”

We had it in our neighborhood. My son, when he was in first grade, got hit by a car. It was his fault on his bicycle, but he was wearing a helmet and he was fine. We went to the hospital, the whole thing, and he was fine. And kids in our neighborhood do not wear helmets. And my husband literally was like, “My son got hit by a car on this intersection and the helmet saved his life. You should get your kids to wear helmets.” And they said, “We can’t make them.”

(18:58):
I mean, the kid’s five years old. So what other area do we say, “Hey, I’m not going to do this because they’re going to pitch a fit.” So when something is important in their health, in their life, we say, “Hey, sorry, buddy, we got to do this.” So it’s the same thing with technology that it’s kind of unreasonable for us to think that, “Well, this part should be easy.” They should be like, “Oh, mom, I would love to give you my tablet. Oh, dad, I’m so happy that you’ve taken away this video game.”

So just think that way, that this is not abnormal, that your kids are pushing back. That’s what they’re supposed to do. And then I think, expect it. Practice it, rehearse it with your spouse, be your child, yell, scream, give the silent treatment so that when it happens in real life, you’re like, “I’ve seen this before.”

(19:44):
The emotion is taken out then, and you can be more like,” Yeah, I know you’re really upset, but we’re still going to take away this video game. Sorry, bud. “And just remember, when they’re adults, they can do this all they want, but when they’re under your roof, it’s our responsibility to keep them safe.

Dr. Matt Jones (20:00):
And what do you think about. I’m sorry, Janel, I’m just kind of hogging here for a second. What do you think about. I see so many families where they’ll go out to eat and they’ll have kids at the table with headphones on.

(20:14):
And so how do you respond to that? And even, I mean, I want to be proactive in terms of saying, listen folks, we’re going to dinner, you’re not going to have headphones. But then sometimes the kids are deceptive and they’ll pull out the headphones and put them at the table anyway. So how would you go about handling that knowing that the kid will have a fit in the restaurant?

Arlene Pellicane (20:33):
Yeah, so if your kids are young, then this is training. So we’ll go there first. So it’s the same thing. My husband, James, is very funny, and he would basically say, “If you don’t order out loud and they can’t hear you, you will not eat.” And so our kids at a very young age learned how to order very loud and be able to do it from a very young age.

So when they’re little, you can train first at home. You can be like, “Hey guys, we’re going to fast food and we’re going to practice at home, and this is where we’re going to sit. We’re going to stay at this table. We’re going to set a timer for 15 minutes, and we have to stay around this table and practice.” And then it’s like, “Okay, guys, now we’re really going to do it.”

And their reward for doing it well is like a dessert at the end. If we didn’t do it well, literally you are fine to walk out.That’s what this is there for. We’re training. So they throw a fit, “Oh, sorry, we can’t stay here when kids throw fits, take away the food and we’re out the door.” And of course, this is all in a loving way, but you’re training them.

(21:32):
So when they’re little, they’re going to learn, “Oh, if I want to eat, I should actually listen.” And be a, so you’re training, you’re training. That’s great. If they’re older, you’re a teenager, this is a totally different story, then it’s really to their heart, “Hey, when we go out, buddy, I really want to spend time with you. So I want to take you somewhere nice. We’re going to try this new thing together. Tell me your favorite restaurant. We’re going to go there, but the caveat is,” however you say the word, “No screens, no headphones. We’re just going to hang out, but you can order anything you want.”

And just make it that I want to be with you. And even though they’re resistant, at least you’ve made that. They can’t say, “Well, my parent doesn’t even want to be with me.” They’ll remember all those times my parent took me out to such and such and made me sit there with no device because they say they care about me.

(22:21):
It’s still a good thing. So really set, if they’re younger, set that it’s normal to have conversation because that’s really going to help them when they’re older. And if all the bad habits are already in there, say,” Hey, you know what? You’re 17, but you’re still under my home. Doggone it. We are going to learn how to eat. Maybe you’re just going to always go to dessert together. It’s cheaper and it’ll be awesome. So just go out and have that time eye to eye talking to each other, retrain them.

Janel Greig (22:49):
Yeah, that’s great. I think we see so many in the rising generation too that are addicted to their phones and they don’t know how to even order. They go to a coffee shop and everything’s through the app, so you don’t have to have that interaction or relationship. So I think you look back at your advice for that training of, learn how to look at the server, give eye contact, speak clearly. Those are all important for not using tech, but also life skills that so many are not developing.

Arlene Pellicane (23:17):
It’s so true.

Janel Greig (23:18):
I think one challenge that parents may run into when they cut back on tech is we have a lot of extra free time as a family now. So how can parents help their kids rediscover things? You talk about boredom in your book, but also things like play, creativity, and that face-to-face connection.

Arlene Pellicane (23:34):
We have been steeped in this though like we have to be the entertainment for our child. So if my child is off, that means I’ve got to have from eight to nine, we do this, and from nine to 10, we do this. And I’m here to say, no, you don’t have to do any of those things. What are children good at? They’re good at imagination and play. So if it’s going to be rough at first, I will grant you that.

But if your kids understand, oh, look, mommy and daddy, they’re not catering to everything. We have to figure out what to do. So we have to figure out, oh, let’s go to the library. If you have little kids, come back with stacks of 30 books every time you go, and your kids will figure out what kinds of books they like, and then they’ll enjoy going because every time they get to come back with an armful of new books.

(24:20):
Maybe they love nature, maybe they listen, look at maybe before screens, what did your child really like? And try to bring that interest back and have your child do that independently. I was writing books when my kids were little, and they would just be playing on the floor. We had all the Hot Wheels on the floor. Sometimes we pretended like beauty parlor and she would just comb my hair while I would be typing.

I’m not talking all day, I’m talking a two-hour block, and I’d be writing, and I’d have a two-year-old and a four-year-old in the background. But believe it or not, with the absence of screens, they learned, oh, we can just sit around with books. We can play with all these cars. We can play with all these dolls. We can make all of our stuffed animals a classroom. They did all that, and this is what kids have been doing for hundreds of years.

(25:08):
They can play. So don’t think it’s your responsibility to entertain them. If they’re little, they will learn how to play. I think it’s when they’re bigger, that’s when it’s more like, okay, let’s try to get you on track with some hobbies, maybe some sports that you like, maybe art that you like, maybe you’re journaling, maybe whatever interests, maybe you’re going to like cooking.

Help them figure out their interests and invest instead of the money you’re spending on video games or in-app purchases, throw that money into real skills that your child loves and will use, and then they will come up with, oh my word, I don’t have enough time to do all these interests that I like. And that shift is hard at first, but it will happen.

Janel Greig (25:52):
Yeah, that’s great.

Dr. Matt Jones (25:54):
So in light of that, I think I will ask one more question. Many parents want to cut back on screens, but their kids may be required to use laptops or tablets or other technology for school. How do you encourage parents to navigate technology that feels necessary or, I mean, unavoidable? Yeah.

Arlene Pellicane (26:12):
I think if you have an elementary school child, you really can look and talk to other parents. What I’ve heard is if you, just as one parent, say to a teacher or a principal, “My kid’s on a laptop all the time and is in first grade. I don’t think this is a good idea.” If it’s just one parent, sometimes it’s like, “Okay, well, just one parent.”

But if you get two or three, get to know people in your class that are also concerned, and the three of you write an email to the school saying, “I’m concerned with this laptop use, could you please show me the research of how laptop use is really helping kids in their reading and their math because I have seen the opposite.” I mean, push back on that because this is the time where parents are pushing back on these things.

(26:58):
Now with AI, many times I was listening to a podcast and the mom was saying her middle schooler’s doing work and then the AI says, “Would you like me to solve this problem for you?” And the middle schooler’s like, “No.” But as it asks you every time you log on, eventually that middle schooler’s going to say yes, and that’s not a flaw in the child. That is a flaw in the AI asking it constantly, “Would you like me to solve this for you? Would you like me to show the teacher your work?”

And this parent, when she brought it up to the teacher, the teacher was like, “Oh, we can’t take it out because that’s like a school implemented new thing now that there’s AI.” So she then chose to opt out completely of technology, which she is allowed to do, and that’s what they did.

(27:38):
And so he got all his work then on paper and worksheets and different things. So it is a time, it’s frustrating for sure, that a parent has to now assess what kind of technology is my child using, how much of it.

I think you could probably check at home just by having your child read to you, give them a book to read and let them read it to you out loud. Give them a few math problems, and it’s not like we’re so smart. So Google, what’s a good math problem for a fifth grader and print it out and give it to them and see if they could do it.

And really, you do have to be on top of things now, even though your kids are going to school and you think the teacher is on top of things. We’re the parents.

Dr. Matt Jones (28:16):
Yep, yep.

Janel Greig (28:17):
Need to be intentional in our parenting, right? Yes. Always focused on that. Arlene, thank you so much for joining Matt and I today and for giving parents practical ways to reset their family’s relationship with technology. If you want to go deeper, listeners, you can pre-order that free copy of Arlene’s book, The Great Tech Reset: Reclaiming Real Life for Christian Families at techresetbook.com, which is coming out on September 29th, 2026.

So be sure to pre-order your free copy today and stay with us as we continue our series on raising flourishing kids in a technology saturated world. If you have a question or topic you’d like us to cover on a future episode, please email us at podcast@summit.org. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Matt and Arlene, and we’ll see you next time.