Help, I’m Becoming My Parents!

Episode 69: Summary & Transcript

Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.

Episode Summary

Join Janel and Matt as they explore the funny, heartwarming, and sometimes surprising ways we turn into our parents—from reading glasses multiplying around the house to the mysterious genetic curse of “systems.” This lighthearted conversation celebrates the traditions, quirks, and character traits worth passing down to the next generation, while offering encouragement that even imperfect parents can leave a meaningful legacy.

Episode Transcript

Janel Greig (00:00):
Well, welcome back to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast with Matt and I. Today, we’re excited to jump in and have some conversation about, how might we becoming like our parents? Sometimes there’s funny and unexpected ways that we recognize as we get older that we’re becoming our parents, and there are some great things that I’m sure both of us are going to share that we’ve inherited from our parents.

So today we’re going to talk about that. Matt, when you think about how am I becoming my parents, what kind of things does that bring to mind for you?

Dr. Matt Jones (00:31):
Well, first of all, it brings up the Progressive series of commercials. So whenever our producer, The Bearded Wonder, brought this up, I said, “Hey, Cat, as we’re thinking through ideas, we should probably watch those Progressive commercials.” And so that’s what immediately came to mind whenever this idea was presented. So do you watch some of those, Janel?

Janel Greig (00:55):
It’s funny, Matt. That’s probably the first thing. If it wasn’t the first thing, it was the second thing that came to mind because when those commercials come on, my kids know that I love those commercials because they hit home so closely. And yes, we absolutely laugh and laugh at those in our house, the reality of them.

Dr. Matt Jones (01:11):
And what’s interesting is my parents really don’t do many of those things, but I do. So it’s kind of this weird dynamic in light of what we’re talking about today. But yeah, I thought it was a great idea because I think we’re going to have a couple ideas, thoughts, episodes on this.

So I think we’re going to keep it a little bit lighter today if that’s okay, because that’s what I planned. So do you have any funny quirks or things that you adopted from your parents?

Janel Greig (01:36):
Man, I would say one of the things when Christian and I were talking about this, floating it back and forth that we really laughed at is we have a house that’s now saturated with reading glasses.

Dr. Matt Jones (01:46):
Okay. Oh no.

Janel Greig (01:50):
Our parents, there’s reading glasses everywhere and we’ve hit that stage of life. And even we were out at dinner the other night and he was signing the receipt, doing the check, and I had to hand him my reading glasses. So we even share reading glasses now like our parents do.

So definitely in that season of life that we look at each other and say, “Yeah, we might be becoming our parents.” But what about you and Cat? Is there anything that comes to mind on the lighter side for you guys?

Dr. Matt Jones (02:17):
Well, it was funny last night because I asked my kids also because they had a really good relationship with my parents, and Tyler was doing the dishes and I started to try to help and he looked at me, he says, “Dad, I have a system.”

Now, you’ve got to understand. There’s a system for him doing the dishes. Well, my dad, we used to try to help and we needed to do it in the way that fit his system. And he said, “I have a system.” Well, guess where my son picked up on it?

I have the same thing. We made pizza together. That was our routine. When the kids turned two, we would rotate which week and I would make pizza with a different kid each week, but there was a system to it. And so if they worked outside the system, I would say, “I have a system.”

And so that was really funny last night because we were struggling with ideas initially and then that just kind of opened several up. So do you guys have any things like that, “Hey, my parents did it this way and I’m going to keep it.”

Janel Greig (03:23):
Yeah. I would say in our house, the joke that we get from, and a joke, but also true, that we get from both sides of our parents is if you do something once, it becomes tradition. And definitely there are things in our household that we’ve inherited from our families.

I think singing happy birthday. My parents still to this day on my birthday will call me, they’ll call Christian, they’ll call all the kids. And these are light traditions, but they’re habits that actually are such a blessing because it is one of those things.

When my parents call me, when they call Christian, when they call the kids and sing to them on their birthday, it shows how much they value them. And although our kids kind of say, “Oh, okay, I’m being sung to.” And you do see them light up that there is a special component of that.

(04:07):
And that is something I would like to carry on, something my parents did for us and something they’re doing for our kids and something as a grandparent, I want to carry that habit or truly step into becoming my parents when it comes to something like that. I want my grandkids to know that they’re valued and special and loved.

Dr. Matt Jones (04:24):
And there are things you want to keep. There are things you want to keep and pass on. Like for the birthday, I remember growing up and my parents would get streamers and they would have our age and name on the wall. Well, that was one of the traditions that I wanted to keep.

And the place that we moved into, the tape doesn’t stick, so our kids make fun of us, but we’re done. 18. I did it for 18 years for all three kids. No more name on the wall with their age, but who knows if we’ll do that for grandkids. So do you pick up on any mannerisms that you share with your parents?

Janel Greig (05:03):
I don’t. I think I’m so aware of things that I don’t want to do. If it’s noise effects or something, I don’t. What about you? You must have something.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:12):
Oh, so many.

Janel Greig (05:13):
Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:14):
My dad and I walk very similar, talk very similar. In fact, if you put the three boys and dad in the same room, it’s really hard to tell. Really. Oh yeah.

Whenever we went on a trip, my dad went on a trip with me and a group of students. It was a study trip in Greece. And by the end of the trip, my dad’s name’s Ivan. They just called me, instead of calling me Dr. Jones, they called me Little Ivan. Little Ivan. And so it’s just…

Janel Greig (05:42):
Mannerisms are strong.

Dr. Matt Jones (05:42):
The bald spot, the mannerisms, the voice. There’s some differences, but the big difference is he’s an introvert and I’m an extrovert, which is really interesting. I grew up in a home where my parents are both introverts and so.

Janel Greig (05:59):
You came out opposite.

Dr. Matt Jones (06:00):
I came out completely the opposite. So I don’t know. Any other good habits that you came up with as interacting with your parents or watching them that you like to hold onto?

Janel Greig (06:15):
I mean, there’s a lot, but there’s a few that I think are just so prominent for me. The one that I always come back to is the faith foundation of reading God’s word, being in God’s word. That’s one I always think of. I thank my parents for that habit that they showed, and I do want to be like my parents in that. I want to develop that habit.

Another one is servant’s heart. My parents have such beautiful servants’ hearts in caring for people, seeing all the different people that God has created and put in their path and having time, always having time for people.

I think I’m in a season of life where I reflect on that and I think I need to do a better job outside of our little five, our core five in seeing people and making time for people when they have needs.

(06:59):
But that’s definitely something I’m hoping to do more like my parents. What about you, Matt? What are some of the things that you have picked up that are great or want to continue on as mimicking your parents?

Dr. Matt Jones (07:12):
Yeah, I’ve really appreciated how my parents have treated their daughter-in-laws. Had three boys that had three daughters. And it’s interesting, their mentality was, and I think I may have shared this on another episode, but their mentality was, all right, we’ve had our boys for 23 years and now they’re marrying these ladies about 23, 24. I forget the ages of every one of them.

But they said, we have essentially 25 years to make up for. And so they really, I want to say, just out-blessed their sons in terms of, they would treat their daughter-in-laws better than their boys. And you just picked up on that, that, “Hey, we’re going to try our best to include them in the family.” And sometimes it’s received, sometimes it’s not.

But the other thing too is my dad, and this is kind of funny and not at the same time, I picked up on his, “We just do our best not to waste food.” We do our best and he would come to the house and our daughter, she’d be two, three years old and there’d be food left on her plate and she’d be excused and he’d finish it.

Janel Greig (08:27):
The garbage disposal.

Dr. Matt Jones (08:29):
Yes. And so I find myself finishing food off of my wife’s plate and my guess is I’ll probably do that with our grandkids. And one other thing that I’ve noticed is my wife and I are very intentional with interacting with the service industry. So whenever we go out to eat, and we did not go out to eat very much growing up.

Janel Greig (08:54):
Well, with introverted parents probably, right? Yeah.

Dr. Matt Jones (08:58):
But we’ve gone out to eat with them more. And I’ve noticed that they do a great job interacting with those who are there to serve. And I think we were already doing that, but it was kind of funny, even though I didn’t observe it, how they treated the folks who were bringing out our food or cleaning up our table or whatnot, it was something that we just developed.

So I don’t know if that was similar or different or not, but it’s just interesting now that we both do that. I do have a question. Do you have any, you said no, the clicking noises or anything like that. Any quirks that you are willing to share that you picked up on or your parents? Because I’ve got several of those.

Janel Greig (09:41):
Why don’t you start on this one and I’ll rack my brain for some quirks.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:44):
Well, first of all, my dad and I both have iPads and we don’t like to carry things, and so we stick them in the back of our pants.

Janel Greig (09:52):
Like a coach.

Dr. Matt Jones (09:53):
Yes. So that’s one. And then the other thing too is he has a bad, I forget which hip it is, but I also have the same bad hip. He has arthritis in his hands and I’m picking up, having pain in my hands.

So it’s not just mannerisms or principles, it’s even some of these body things that I’m like, wait a minute, I didn’t play football, you did, but I have the same hip issue that you do. And so I don’t understand how all that works, but we do walk a lot the same way, so maybe it’s a problem with how we’ve walked.

Janel Greig (10:34):
You are a little Ivan.

Dr. Matt Jones (10:36):
Oh, it’s terrible. I mean, it’s great.

Janel Greig (10:38):
It is great. It sounds like it’s great.

Dr. Matt Jones (10:40):
Because here’s the deal. I like to grow a beard and I don’t keep it because I start itching, but my wife won’t let me have a mustache because if I walk into the room with the mustache, she says I look just like my dad Ivan. So it’s interesting.

Janel Greig (10:58):
That’s actually hilarious. I love that. I’m curious, Matt, for what you’ve picked up from your dad, do you see your kids picking up similar things? Maybe it’s still too early to know.

Dr. Matt Jones (11:12):
Well, it’s funny. My daughter, they asked her, she came to the Colorado Christian where I teach, and so she was there for previews and they go, “Kenzie, are you more like your mom or your dad?” And there’s this long pause. She goes, “I’d like to be more like my mom, but unfortunately I’m like my dad.”

And there’s some very clear personality things that come out, humor. She and I actually look more like, Tyler looks more like his mom’s side of the family. Hannah kind of is a middle, and Kenzie looks more like my side of the family. So I don’t know. Yeah. But even how I started with my story today, Tyler saying I have a system, that’s just us to a T.

Janel Greig (12:03):
It’s in those genes.

Dr. Matt Jones (12:06):
But I talked about my dad a lot. How about, do you have any similarities with your dad? Because I was going to tell you one about my mom, but any similarities with your dad?

Janel Greig (12:17):
You brought up humor and I think I definitely get humor from my dad. We have very similar humor styles, and my kids notice that. They notice some of the idiosyncrasies that, oh, that sounds like Grandpa Jerry. You sound like Grandpa Jerry.

But it is interesting, you mentioned Kenzie said she was more like you, but our kids do tend to be more like one of us than the other. And I think that’s always interesting in conversation with our kids when they realize that. They’re realizing similar traits and attributes that they’ve picked up from us. That’s neat.

I want to hear your story about your mom.

Dr. Matt Jones (12:57):
Well, I don’t know that it’s necessarily a story about my mom, but she is our truth person in the family. I notice a lot of times a grace-oriented person and a truth-oriented person end up together whenever I interact with couples, and mom’s the truth-oriented person. And so she has a tendency to say it like it is, and I have a tendency to say it like it is. And so that’s just something I’ve picked up from her.

And also she’s hard of hearing and I’m hard of hearing. So I got a bad hit from my dad, bad hands from my dad, and bad hearing from my mom. But my wife says that’s more of a lack of attention than actual hearing ability, but I don’t know. I’m grateful.

Janel Greig (13:40):
But also systems. You also got systems.

Dr. Matt Jones (13:43):
That’s right. That’s right. But yeah, I mean, parents, they’re such a blessing. And as we think about us being parents and we think about, wait a minute, there are things we want to pass down and there are things that we don’t.

And it’s interesting, I was having lunch with one of our grads the other day and he asked me two questions. What’s one thing you’re really glad you did as a parent and what’s one way where you did not do well? And it was just interesting. He says, how would you handle that?

And it was interesting for me to just sit back and reflect, boy, if I have an issue in terms of a character issue or a character flaw, which I have several, hopefully you listeners have picked up on that, but I wish that I had recognized it and got the help to deal with it sooner because one of those character traits has become clear in some of my children.

(14:33):
And that’s just something that I was like, I think I could have done a much better job with that. No parent’s perfect. We’re all going to give our kids a little bit of baggage and we want the baggage to be as small as possible.

But boy, if your children are younger and you know there’s a particular character issue, get the help sooner than later because man, you will regret whenever your kid’s 18 or 19 and you say, wow, they demonstrated this poor character quality. Maybe it would not have been as big as a problem if I had done better.

And ultimately our kids are responsible for their decisions, but we want to train them up in the way that they should go the best we can. So that’s just my thought on that. Any other thoughts or examples for you on your end, Janel?

Janel Greig (15:22):
Yeah, no, I think it’s just something that’s reflective. I think as Christian and I parent, and as our parents age and as we move into different chapters of parenting and think forward even with, what will it look like if and when our kids get married and we have grandkids, how do we want to interact in those situations?

I think our parents and on both sides, Christian and mine, they did the best with what they had when they were raising us. So I don’t ever want to take away when we’re talking through that, but we definitely glean things that, hey, maybe we should do this differently or maybe we should make sure we’re adopting this.

And I hope and I pray in our household that we are laying that foundation. So there are things our kids will take away, especially related to their faith and worldview.

(16:02):
Traditions are fun, maybe singing happy birthday, but things, the real important things with regards to God and his word and his truth that they take away and stick to. And maybe they can let us know the things that scratch the chalkboard a little bit for them when they grow up. Oh no, I’m becoming my parents. But it is a privilege and honor to raise our kids. So it’s something we want to do well.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:25):
And it can be a lot of fun. I think that’s one of the messages. I was talking to this grad yesterday. They are about to have a kid.

Janel Greig (16:31):
Love it.

Dr. Matt Jones (16:31):
They said, man, we hear so many negative messages about being a parent. I was like, parenting can be great. I mean, if you put the work in, it really can be great. And I’m so blessed to have the children that God has blessed us with. Amen. And it’s been joyful for me to hear your stories. And again, we’ll probably talk about some stories where we have let our kids down and seen that in a later episode. But it was nice to just kind of talk about some ways in which God has, is, and is working.

And I just want to say one piece of encouragement that just because you didn’t have a great parent doesn’t mean you can’t become a great parent. One of the things we do with the couples that we work with is say, listen, you come from a home where there’s some challenges. That does not mean they have to be the same challenges in your home because Christ really can redeem and restore, especially if we pursue an upside down kingdom, priority, passion for raising our children.

So Janel, thanks for sharing some insights and wisdom and some fun with your family and their background today. And we really appreciate you all listening to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. Maybe this brought a smile to your face and maybe challenged you to think about ways in which you’re like your parents where you could write them a note and say thank you or call them up and just say thank you for these things because I know as a parent, I love it when my kids do that for us.

(18:00):
So God bless. Hope you have a great week. Janel, thanks always for doing this with me and I hope you and your husband have a great week.

Janel Greig (18:08):
Thanks, Matt.