Most dads don’t say it out loud—but many feel like they’re just trying to keep their heads above water. Balancing work, family, expectations… and quietly wondering if they’re falling short.
In this episode of the Upside-Down Parenting Podcast, Matt Jones and Janel Greig sit down with Dr. Mark Pitts—author, speaker, and founder of the Midnight Dad Devotional community—to have an honest, hope-filled conversation about fatherhood.
Together, they explore what it really means to be “called” to be a dad—not as a performance to perfect, but as a role God equips you for. Mark shares wisdom from his new book, Called to Be Dad: How God Equips You to Be the Man He Made You to Be, along with personal stories, biblical encouragement, and practical ways to lead your family with humility, presence, and dependence on God.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
*Why fatherhood is a calling—not a performance
*How to move from striving and pressure to trust and faith
*Encouragement for dads who feel inadequate or overwhelmed
*How your view of God as Father shapes the way you parent
*Practical, biblical habits for showing up well—even imperfectly
Whether you’re a dad in the trenches, preparing for fatherhood, or supporting one, this conversation will remind you: you’re not alone—and you’re not unequipped.
If this episode encouraged you, share it with a dad who needs to hear it.
Subscribe for more conversations that challenge and encourage you to parent in God’s upside-down Kingdom.
Find out more about Mark and his work at Calledtobedad.com.
Episode 41: Summary & Transcript
Disclaimer: Please note that this is an automatically generated transcript. Although the transcription is largely accurate, it may be incomplete or inaccurate in some cases due to inaudible passages or transcription errors.
Episode Summary
This interview with Dr. Mark Pitts centers on his book, Called to Be Dad, and the challenges and callings of modern fatherhood from a Christian perspective. Dr. Pitts explains that his motivation for the book came from his online prayer ministry, where he saw a deep desire among fathers to improve and connect with God. He emphasizes that being a great dad is not about perfection but about presence, humility, and dependence on God. Dr. Pitts shares personal stories about his own absent father and offers practical advice for overwhelmed dads, encouraging them to intentionally prioritize their children and their relationship with God over less important tasks.
Episode Transcript
Dr. Matt Jones (00:00):
Most dads don’t say it out loud, but a lot of them are just trying to keep their heads above water, balancing work, family, expectations, and quietly wondering if they’re falling short. Today’s conversation is about that reality and the hope that you’re not alone as a dad and you’re not unequipped for that calling. Welcome to the Upside Down Parenting Podcast.
Today, we’re honored to have Dr. Mark Pitts. We’re calling him Mark today. Mark, thanks for joining us. And he has a new book coming out on May 12th, so make sure you go and pick up that book and it’s called Called to Be Dad. In God’s upside down kingdom, being a great dad doesn’t start with having it all together. It may start with surrender, but it’s not about striving harder, but about trusting deeper. It’s not about perfection, but presence. It’s not about pride, but humility and dependence on him.
(00:55):
That’s the kind of countercultural parenting that we’re after and the kind that we’re trying to glean wisdom from Mark today. So Mark, thank you so much for joining us. It’s an honor and privilege for you to be on with Janel and I.
Dr. Mark Pitts (01:10):
It’s a privilege to join you and I’m blessed by the opportunity to be with you.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:14):
Well, I got to start out with what motivated you to write this book? I mean, what was going on behind the scenes to say, “This is burning in my heart and I’ve got to get this out to dads.”
Dr. Mark Pitts (01:25):
We have a group on Facebook, Midnight Dad Devotional. And I came to find out through conversations because we would pray nightly. I would pray nightly for a quarter of a million men and their wives.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:43):
Now time out. Is this literally at midnight?
Dr. Mark Pitts (01:48):
No.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:49):
No. Okay, good. Because Janel and I have established we’re in bed about 9:30 in our separate time zones.
Dr. Mark Pitts (01:56):
8:30. 8:30.
Dr. Matt Jones (01:58):
Okay. 8:30. You got us beat. Okay, good.
Dr. Mark Pitts (02:00):
Yeah. And in the responses from those prayers came from dads who wanted to know just how to be a better dad. No dad is perfect. They all understood that they’re not. And they realized that there’s a God out there who wants to be able to help them, who understands their needs, who understands their desire to be a dad.
And when I, having been a pastor for a number of years, I came to realize that what I, as a father, was talking to God about was not always what I heard from the pulpit. And I had preached many, many sermons. And when I did, I got some good responses and some not so good responses in a sense. And I realized that I wasn’t talking to everyone. And I realized that dads and moms certainly, but dads have different needs, different responsibilities than just what I was preaching.
(03:07):
And they responded to the prayer ministry that I have and had and have for these now since 2021. And when I did that, the responses were pretty much, how do I get closer to God? How can God help me better at what I do?
Dr. Matt Jones (03:31):
That’s great. So as we shift in kind of some practical thinking here for a second, can you share a moment in your own journey as a dad where you felt like you fell short? And when you fell short, how did God use that as an opportunity to teach you something? Or what did he teach you?
Dr. Mark Pitts (03:50):
Well, it wasn’t like town crier, hear, ye, hear ye, something see what I’ve done wrong. It just wasn’t that way. It’s never that way. First thing I want to be able to say is that if you’re wondering if you’re not a good dad, you probably are a good dad because bad dads don’t care. Bad dads aren’t trying. A good dad is trying.
And so if you are thinking about what you’re falling short at, God is already looking for the opportunity for you to come to him and spend time with him and find out those places where you’re falling short, but also to find out where you’re doing really, really well. And so I would say that the times I felt most ill at ease, that’s not less than sure of myself as a father, as a dad, was when my children were teenagers because at that moment they think they know more than me.
(05:10):
They have their own relationship with the Lord. We were raised in a Christian family. We spent time with the Lord. We had a relationship with God, church active, all of those things. But yet in that period of time where they were teenagers tested me as a father. Because when they’re diapers, when they’re toddlers, when they can’t get their own food, when they don’t really care what their provision is, they just know dad’s going to get it.
And suddenly they’re not. They’re way, way, way smarter than me where they think they are or not. And that became an issue of relationship and understanding their needs as opposed to being able to show up every day, make sure they’re warm, fed, and dry, so to speak, and understand what they have, but yet really understanding what they’re going to need as they’re approaching adulthood.
Dr. Matt Jones (06:15):
Okay, great. Thank you for sharing.
Dr. Mark Pitts (06:18):
My father, I am a son of an adopted son. So my father was adopted himself and his father, his adopted father, died when he was very young. And so my father had no real good relationship with his father. As a matter of fact, when my first daughter was born, his first word of advice to me was, “Don’t drop your daughter.” That’s all he knew, make sure that I keep her safe and protect her and provide for her. He didn’t understand at all how to be a father and barely knew how to be a parent.
And so for me, it became an issue of, scripture says, “Train up a child in the way he should go. And when he is old, he will not depart from it.” It became for me, my dad was absent. He had a job where he was absent four days a week and life was a struggle, wasn’t financially a struggle, but it was a presence struggle. He was not present for me.
(07:42):
Lots of movies talk about absent dads and how hard it is. And so first of all, the understanding is, to me, it became very important to me that I provide not just wherewithal, but my presence with my daughters. I had daughters, not sons, and that’s a whole completely different, I totally understand that. Dads of sons are different than dads of daughters, and bless God if they have both. I did not, but it became very important to me to make sure that I was present in their lives.
The main counsel of Called to Be Dad is the struggle that a dad has to do the two things he’s responsible for. He is responsible for provision and he is responsible for protection. Now, protection is not just keeping the bear off the front door.
(08:57):
Or not being harmed in some way. But protection by protecting their lives, protecting their psyche, protecting their emotions. And the only way that we can do that as dads is to be present. I tell the story that, and it’s true, that because my father was an absent father, I was not going to be one, period. End of story. I was not going to be an absent father.
Whatever it took, no matter how hard I had to work, no matter what was necessary in order to be able to provide for them, I was not going to be absent because I missed my father and I never wanted them to miss their father. We all know how important fathers are in their children’s lives. And we read that, even more important in daughters’ lives. And so it just became important for me to do that. And I made those decisions.
(09:55):
I took those steps. I gave up opportunities for finances and provision and wealth in order to be a present father, present dad. That affected my parenting skills because, listen, we’re not good at this.
Dr. Matt Jones (10:19):
Not naturally, for sure.
Dr. Mark Pitts (10:20):
No. Parenting is hard work and we have to be able to say, “This is what I’m going to do.”
Dr. Matt Jones (10:29):
And I appreciate that emphasis on presence. But I will say, and I think this is harder now, I’d like you to, if you wouldn’t mind speaking into this, I could be physically present, but then I can be distracted by this. Yep. So how do you help us as dads say, “All right, it’s more than just physical presence.” What do you mean beyond the physical presence? Because I can be home and be interacting with my kid with this in between me and my kid.
Dr. Mark Pitts (10:58):
Yep. And they see it. They see it, Matt. They see it and they know it. They know when you’re not there. Technology has changed us. Technology is always changing us. It’s changing them out from under us. They have technology sooner than we had technology. They have more technology. They’ve forgotten more technology than I’ve ever seen or I’m ever going to see.
(11:35):
And so it is a lifestyle choice. Now, here’s the thing. It can start tomorrow. It can start tomorrow. You just have to make it. You know your children, guys, men, dads, you’re called. God wants you to be a parent more than anything. And in Genesis two, chapter two, it says that we’re supposed to cleave to our wives and no longer be children. Well, no longer be children means being a parent. That’s what God wanted.
He wants you. That’s why you are called to be dad. That’s the calling part. He wants you to understand that he wants a world where our children are his children. He’s given us the perspective. He’s given us the picture. He’s a father to us, to all of us. And he wants us to take that understanding and be that father to our own children. I say often that parents love best because they love first.
(13:05):
God loved you first. And so we understand his love. We share that love with our children. And I’m going to say right here and now, that is your best stuff. That is your best calling. It’s a 24 hour, 365, twenty four seven for 75 years. For the rest of your life.
(13:35):
That’s what you’re going to be doing. And that’s what God wants you to be doing. And therefore, you don’t get to shirk. You don’t get to just say, “Well, la di da, my children will be all right.” Yes, they will be all right, but they will be better if you’re protecting them. And remember, we’re using that word protection in a presence sense. If you’re protecting them, keeping their own thoughts safe, keeping their own emotions safe, keeping their own actions safe, helping them understand who they are and who they should be and who they can be.
Dad, you are the best. You are the best person to raise. Moms have their own deal. I got to remember, moms have their own deal. Moms are nurturing and we’re just not. We’re fixers. We’re finders of lost toys. We’re the ones who help them succeed. We are the picture of showing them how to succeed, but we want them to know that we are present because God is present in our lives.
Dr. Matt Jones (14:54):
Great. Thank you.
Janel Greig (14:55):
I love that. Can I piggyback on that a little bit? Talking about presence, Mark, and I think technology obviously a huge component as you hit on, but what about just the productivity that some men are doers and maybe it’s not the technology aspect, maybe it’s the, I have a checklist to do, I have work to do, we have yard work. What are maybe tips too of involving the kids to model that and make that a relationship building if there are things that have to be done, a relationship building opportunity rather than I’m choosing productivity in my to-do list over presence with you?
Dr. Mark Pitts (15:33):
Well, yes. And that is the best insight that I would give any father. My grandchildren, when we have grandchildren, we have an opportunity to make up for the mistakes we made with our children typically, but we also see that we also see that we are able to do even more with our grandchildren that we didn’t get to do with our children. It’s not just correcting mistakes, it’s the opportunity to re-share our lives. Okay.
So Janel, what you’re talking about, it seems to me, is the opportunity of sharing our seats. That’s what protection really is. Protection is sharing your life, being vulnerable for your children in a way that they can understand that you’re a real human being. I was thinking about this podcast earlier this week, and I was thinking about how important it is to be real. And I remember the first time that I wept in front of my daughters.
(16:56):
Now, I can’t tell you, I can’t tell you what I was weeping about, but they were looking at me with eyes so big that dad, daddy was troubled or worried, or whatever it was that I was upset about.
(17:20):
And I believe that at that moment, they realized that I was a real human being, that I was different, but still yet dad, I wasn’t somebody else. I wasn’t a super other. So when I say, Janelle, your insight is exactly what I try to do to redo with my grandchildren, which is to say, involve them in my life. If I’m present with them, they want to be a part of your life.
They have a mother and typically in today’s culture, they see mom a whole lot more than they see dad. It doesn’t necessarily, it’s not that way all the time, clearly, but they want to be able to spend time with dad. They don’t care what that time consists of. It could be gardening. It could be cleaning the garage. It could be, you fill in the blank. You know what it is.
(18:29):
Just bring them into your life and they will revel. They will love it because they want a daddy. They want a dad. They want that person who’s just not a significant other. I talk about the difference between father and parent. What they want, parenting is transactional. Fatherhood is relational and they want a relationship with their father in a way that is going to be different than their relationship with their mother.
And so I would say, as I suggested to Matt, it’s intentional. Dad, you’re going to have to be intentional. If you want that relationship, and I believe you clearly do, if you want that relationship, you have to be the one that institutes it because remember, you love best. They don’t know how to love until they receive it from you.
Dr. Matt Jones (19:38):
Well, I really appreciate those insights. And I really resonate with the difference between a parent and a father or a parent and a mother. And I think those are good distinctions for us to consider.
So if a dad, not a parent, but if a dad is listening today and feels overwhelmed, what’s one small step that he can take this week? I mean, you’ve already mentioned a couple of things, but what would be, because you said, “Hey, this can start tomorrow or right after the podcast that they get to listen to.” If they’re feeling overwhelmed with all the different things going on, what’s one small step he can take either today or tomorrow or for the week?
Dr. Mark Pitts (20:26):
A number of years ago, I learned in ministry that most of the time we have a full plate, right? Matt, you have a full plate. If you’re not being productive, you’re failing and God knows how full your plate is. The hardest thing we have to do as parents is to decide what you’re going to take off your plate so that you can put your children on.
A lot of us, some people saw plates spinning in the air. Remember those Ed Sullivan? I know I’m dating myself now, but plates spinning in the air and there’d be however many and they would all be taken off at just the right time. They just kept spinning and spinning and spinning. And you wonder how they did that. It’s because they knew that was the exact number of plates that they could spend and not one more. And so dad, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, let’s just ask something.
(22:02):
You’ve got a full-time job, you’ve got a family, you’re providing well for them, and your boss comes to you. No, someone else from around the corner, down the hall, I’ve got a brand new job for you. It’s going to pay you half again as much as you’re making. Will you take it?
Dr. Matt Jones (22:27):
Yes, I’ll take it. I’ll take it. No, I’m just kidding.
Dr. Mark Pitts (22:30):
Of course you will. Of course you will. And then you’ll decide because more money means more time. You’ll decide what you’re going to take off your plate in order to accomplish the responsibilities of that job. We’re all about success. We want to do the very best we can do because we know that that’s what God wants for us. You know what God wants from you? You. He loves you more than you.
No, he loves you more than you love him because we can only love him in the way that we understand and he wants the very best for you. That’s why I said at the very beginning, it is to say that if you want to be close to God, he’s right there and he wants to be close to you. And so I would say to the Father, “Dad, look at yourself. See what is the least important thing on your plate to replace with the most important thing in your life?” And I will also say God needs to be, God wants to be personal in your life. God has always been personal for me.
(24:12):
I remember the very first time I prayed, the very first time I prayed, things weren’t going very well in my dad-absent home. It wasn’t trauma or emotional struggle, just things not going well as a preteen. And I walked out the front door, walked down the driveway to the street, and I looked both ways and I said, “Which way do I go?”
And I believe God said, “Go this way, turn right at the corner and take a walk with me.” And ever since, through troubles and trials and coming up short in my own life and things happening, struggles, God was always right there. And I will tell you something else. Just as surely as you might want to take something else off your plate, you could always put God on.
(25:26):
You can always put God on. We have a tendency to fill up our hours and you guys are being so, so kind to let me just go on and on. God would like to be on your plate. We like to fill up our hours and God is never in it. Just whenever we think we might need something, we call on God. And so we want to cram God into the plate that I’ve been talking about like he’s some sort of concierge.
If I just call on God, this’ll happen. If you have a relationship with God that he wants to have with you, do you know your children will see that? Your children will understand that. They will know that God is important to you. And you know what else? They’ll want to have God important to them. They’ll show me God, dad. Show me who that is you talk to every night.
(26:32):
Show me just like when the disciples ask Jesus, teach us how to pray. There’s nothing, hardly anything more wonderful than praying to God and having your children listen because that’s when you get to be a real dad. They’re now talking to someone who talks to God. We kid that somehow that’s a little mind numbing. We don’t really talk to God, do we? Well, yes, we do.
Janel Greig (27:16):
We do.
Dr. Mark Pitts (27:16):
Prayer is nothing more and nothing less than a conversation with God. That’s it. Nothing special, doesn’t have to be anymore. It can just be, “Hey Lord, what’s going on today?” Or when I get up in the morning, “Hey God, where are we going today?” That’s all it needs to be. Well, the midnight devotional page is where I get most of my people respond to the prayers and there is a, I am a poor correspondent at this moment. I think it’s midnightdaddevotional.com. I think.
Janel Greig (28:05):
We’ll put it in links. We’ll check and we’ll put it in the show notes so that people can access it. Yeah. No, that’s great. That’d be great. I appreciate that. That’s the best place for them to find you and follow you then.
Dr. Mark Pitts (28:15):
Yes.
Janel Greig (28:16):
Awesome. Well, we’ll make sure we link that so that they can find your book, find your resources. Just thank you again so much for your time today, as well as the investment you’ve made to share with other fathers on how to father well for the Lord.
Dr. Mark Pitts (28:30):
Thank you so much for this opportunity. It has been a true blessing to be able to share what God has shared with me.
Janel Greig (28:37):
Awesome, Mark. And to everyone listening, thank you for joining us on the Upside Down Parenting Podcast. If this episode encouraged you, challenged you, or reminded you that you’re not alone in this journey, would you share it with a dad in your life who might need to hear it? You never know how one conversation can make a difference. Thanks again for listening. Thanks, Matt, for helping. Always enjoy spending time with you. We’ll see you next time, listeners.