In 2023, the US Surgeon General’s Advisory declared loneliness and isolation as an epidemic. While the COVID-19 pandemic and subsequent lockdowns are often blamed, loneliness was a growing problem long before the pandemic. COVID did not create the issue—it intensified it. We may be skeptical that loneliness could be considered a serious problem, let alone an epidemic, but the evidence is clear. Loneliness is associated with profound health problems, notably an increased risk of premature death. The Advisory notes that “lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.” It can also lead to many other mental and physical health issues. Loneliness is a serious concern.
The problem of loneliness is also one of God’s first warnings in the Bible. After each phase of the creation account in Genesis, God declares his creation good. Yet, there was one thing he said was not good: for the man he created to be alone (Genesis 2:18). This is significant because it occurred before the Fall, prior to sin and suffering entering the world. Thus, God made Adam a helper, Eve, and together they created a family. God’s design has always been for humans to live in community, never in complete isolation. When God sent his own Son to live among us, Jesus was incarnated as a baby to be raised within a family. Then, when Jesus was old enough to begin his ministry, he assembled a team of disciples to support him and to teach them to carry on his mission. They were more than just his followers, though; Jesus called them his friends (John 15:15). Before Jesus ascended to heaven after the Resurrection, he commissioned his disciples to make disciples of their own. A disciple is not merely a learner. Unlike a student in a classroom—who may have no personal connection with his or her teacher—discipleship is rooted in an intimate bond of trust and accountability.
God’s design has always been for humans to live in community, never in complete isolation
Christianity is rooted in community and relationship. The earliest believers committed themselves to fellowship (Acts 2:42). The Bible warns Christians against not meeting together (Hebrews 10:25), commanding us to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another” (James 5:16). Scripture tells us how friends love and support each other and how we are stronger together (Proverbs 17:17, 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9–12). Modern churches create community through weekly worship services, Bible studies, and small groups. They offer Christians a place to support and encourage each other. Aside from the many spiritual benefits of Christianity, it offers the cure for loneliness when properly practiced within a community. From creation to Christ to the early Church, God consistently models the truth that humans were made for relationship and community.
Yet, somewhere along the way, even devoted Christ-followers have lost their sense of connection and community. This could be due to our culture’s emphasis on rugged individualism, which isolates us from others, or simply from getting lost in the busyness of life. Our loneliness may also be masked by false connections. We have thousands of followers on social media but no true friends in real life. Thus, technology—with its seeming promises of greater connection to others—may instead isolate us more. We text instead of calling. We meet virtually instead of physically. We play games with our friends online instead of in person. Whatever the cause of our isolation, we need to find the right solution. Let’s explore some practical ways we can address the problem of loneliness.
We have thousands of followers on social media but no true friends in real life
Be Active
You can regularly attend a church without actually being connected to the congregation. You can slip in and out without seeing or speaking to anyone. That’s not community. As mentioned above, many churches offer opportunities for connection through various groups or midweek meetings. Attending a group will take you from being a spectator to being a member of the community.
Don’t Wait
Have you ever known a boy and a girl who liked each other but were each waiting for the other to make the first move? We can also be like that with friendships. We wait for others to approach us to start a conversation or to ask to hang out. Beginning a new friendship can be intimidating, but it’s worth it. Take the initiative to forge a new relationship. You never know who else is longing for friendship, hoping someone else will make the first move.
Being Regular & Intentional
If we want to stave off loneliness and make deep, meaningful connections, we must be intentional in our relationships. In the same way a church group may have regular meetings, we can do the same with friends. Schedule a regular game night or meetup with multiple friends. Dedicate a certain time of day to speaking to one friend or loved one on the phone. Make relationships a normal part of your daily routine. And be intentional with your conversations. Go beyond surface-level chats and find out how your friends are really doing. Ask sincere questions to show that you truly care.
Community & Purpose
People who are lonely may also suffer from a lack of purpose. Conversely, people who share a common mission or meaning may naturally bond together. Instead of directly seeking friendships, pursue purpose. We’ve seen this in our society over the last few years. Many communities have formed around common causes, whether political or social. Of course, not all causes are good and God-honoring. But shared purpose will create a community. Seek a noble cause, and good friendships will be a natural by-product.
Solitude Is Good
There’s a difference between solitude and isolation. Isolation is a complete disconnect from others, which is unhealthy. Solitude is temporary, intentional time alone, which is healthy and important. Jesus frequently went off alone to pray. This allowed him to commune with the Father and to recharge so he could continue his ministry. We all need time to disconnect, which allows us to reconnect better and stronger. This is especially true for introverts who get exhausted from excessive “people time.” Even extroverts, who get energized from being around people, need to unplug from others for a time to reflect on themselves. Solitary spiritual disciplines, like prayer and Bible reading, develop our relationship with God, which is our most important relationship.
You’re Never Alone
David proclaimed, “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me” (Psalm 23:4). He cried, “Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted” (Psalm 25:16). He reminds us, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth” (Psalm 145:18). David had many troubles, and he also experienced closeness with God. No matter how hard things get and how badly we feel, we are never truly alone since God is with us. When Jesus went off to pray, he wasn’t truly alone; he was with his Father. The same is true for us. Even if others abandon you and make you feel alone, you can trust that God “will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5).
These are just a few practical suggestions and reminders for addressing loneliness and cultivating meaningful relationships. After all, it isn’t just practical; it’s biblical. God designed us to live in community, and when we neglect that design, we suffer in many ways—physically, mentally, and emotionally. The opposite is also true: When we live in community and have healthy relationships, we experience deep benefits and true flourishing.