The world can be a scary place, from what’s going on across the street to what’s happening around the world. Uncertainty, hate, and fear seem to be everywhere. The digital world, too, can cause parents to fear for their children. As never before, children are likely to be exposed to unwholesome or downright dangerous content online. Worse yet, unlimited internet access can erode a young person’s faith by exposing them to viewpoints that challenge or denigrate Christianity. As 1 Peter 5:8 tells us, “the Devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
Parents may feel inadequate to address the challenges, questions, and potential harm that our children face. How can we explain global war and poverty? Is it even possible to protect children from the insidious effects of cyberbullying and pornography? What if they have questions about God that we don’t know how to answer? What can we do to help our kids build lasting faith?
If these concerns feel familiar to you, you’re not alone. Nearly three-quarters of US parents express concern about their children’s spiritual development. However, there is good news. You have more impact on your child’s faith than you may think. When a child has a secure relationship with one or both of their parents, they are much more likely to maintain their faith through adulthood.1
How Do Parental Relationships Really Affect Children?
The importance of parents has been both celebrated and questioned. Many religious and secular organizations alike support the importance of families and parents, while other highly progressive secular organizations have advocated for dismantling the nuclear family structure. Social science and psychology, however, largely support the idea that a child’s relationships with his or her parents are usually the most important in a child’s life.
Research has shown that when children do not have a safe, reliable, loving parent figure, it negatively affects their physical health long-term.2 Similarly, relational instability, especially early in development, is associated with a higher likelihood of mental health problems.3
On the other hand, children having safe, reliable, and loving parental figures in their lives is associated with greater well-being across all stages of development, from birth into adulthood.
Good parents mean better physical and mental health, and—most importantly—spiritual stability and continued practice of the faith they learned from their parents.4
Secure with Parents, Secure with God
This research comes from the field of study known as attachment theory. When kids have safe, reliable, and loving parental figures, they tend to develop a positive view of themselves, others, and God.5 They gain a deep conviction that they are safe and loved and that even when things get hard or frightening, things will work out. They also develop strong relational skills and can handle their own emotions, communicate their needs clearly, and manage boundaries and conflict effectively. They find it easier to trust others and develop a healthy sense of independence, and qualities such as joy and compassion tend to come more naturally. This is called being securely attached.
Here’s the most important part: you, as a parent, have been uniquely placed by God in the lives of your children to help them develop a secure attachment that can (among other things) help your child stay strong in their faith.
As a parent, you have a God-given ability to impact your children’s spiritual future that is greater than that of any preacher, apologist, or peer.
Embody Christ for Your Children
Let’s be clear: no matter what you do, fear, uncertainty, and danger will still be present in the world. In some sense, there’s nothing parents can do about that. There are questions about God you won’t know the answers to, and challenges to Christianity you won’t feel equipped to respond to. Thankfully, there are experts, apologists, and pastors who can provide the essential support needed in raising kids and responding to their questions and doubts. None of that, however, changes the fact that parents are the singular most important factor in raising a child to love Jesus.
A parent’s love cannot remove the fears and dangers of the world, but it can strengthen a child’s resilience and provide a buffer against life’s hardships. The love and example of parents can encourage them to turn to God in times of distress.6
As a parent, take courage that your labor for your children is not in vain: you have a great opportunity to instill courage and confidence in your child simply by being a safe, reliable, and loving parent who also loves Jesus.
Your relationship with your child is powerful at any age, but especially when they are young. You can help them establish a secure base in their faith long before they start asking the hard questions. From a very young age, even when you are not explicitly talking about Jesus with your kids, every time you show your children the love of Christ, you are laying a deeper foundation on which their faith can grow.
In short, when kids have secure relationships with their parents in which they are confident in their parents’ love for them, it’s much easier for them to build a long-term, secure relationship with God that isn’t easily broken down by big questions, suffering, or temptation to sin. Faith, hope, and courage are not so much taught as caught through our relationships.
If you embody Jesus to your kids, they’ll probably want to hang out with him for the rest of their lives.