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November 04, 2008
Ten Reasons Not to Vote Today
“Everyone should vote,” or so they say. I disagree. Here are ten reasons why you should not vote today:
- If your main reason for registering to vote was “cash and cigs.”
- If you can identify a picture of Judge Judy, but not Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
- If you don’t know who selected Sarah Palin as their running mate,
- If your main source of political information is Saturday Night Live, Late Night TV stand-up, Bill Maher, Steve Colbert. The View, or Keith Olbermann. (However, if you actually are informed but still enjoyed Tina Fey’s spot on Palin impersonation, it’s ok to vote).
- If you think Republicans and Democrats should come together, but have no clue why they should, how they can, what they should accomplish, or even who they are.
- If the reason you give for your selection of the next leader of the free world is any of the following: (a) “I just like him better,” (b) “He seems more presidential,” (c) “He is a better speaker than the other guy,” (d) “He speaks to my needs” or (e) “He’s just so inspiring.”
- If, during this election, you have never asked yourself of any political candidate, including your own, this question: “What did he really mean by that?” and “Is that true?” Or, in other words, if you cannot tell the difference between an assertion and an argument.
- If you think that the reporting of this election has been unbiased.
- If you are not familiar with any or all of the following, or if you have heard of them but have no clue what/who they are: (1) Roe v. Wade, (2) Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, (3) Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, (4) Vladimir Putin, (5) the $700B bailout, (6) the Supreme Court, or (7) the United Nations.
- If you really think that “every opinion counts,” including those that are stupid, uninformed, and dangerous.
And, two more for good measure:
- If you feel there is no difference between the presidential candidates.
- If you think voting is your “right,” without remembering how you got it, why you have it, and what “responsibilities” are.