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November 17, 2011

Slowing Divorce, part 2

Slowing Divorce, part 2

A dominant cultural myths we face is that love just happens to us. Movie after movie reinforces the idea that we’re the victims of our passionate feelings. It makes a great story, now, but it doesn’t offer long-term stability for real-life relationships. If my feelings go away, I’m also a victim. So, we hear folks say about their marriages: “we just drifted apart…”

I mentioned yesterday new research that shows most divorces do not occur in marriages with high conflict or abuse, but in those where everyday conflict is handled poorly. And for a large number, one or both partners have interest in reconciliation!

We rarely feel like resolving conflict. It’s a skill set, not a feeling. That’s why authors William Doherty and Leah Sears suggest a waiting period for divorce, so that couples can consider reconciliation and find resources to try it. And maybe we'll learn, we aren’t just victims of our feelings.  For, I’m John Stonestreet.

Further Reading

Delaying Divorce to Save Marriages
William J. Doherty & Leah Ward Sears | The Washington Post | October 20, 2011

Putting on the Brakes
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint | November 09, 2011

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