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July 04, 2009

Session 4 | Day 8

I just went and saw The Proposal with some staffers. And I watched it through a Christian worldview. Probably, the first time in a while (or ever) I was able to watch a movie and discern truth and lies and what the world tells us about marriage and love and cohabitation.

That's what Summit does. It shows you that there is higher learning, even if...it goes over your head.

I grew up in a Christian home. I was baptized, confirmed. The whole 9 yards and I can safely say I have given over to the Lord, my WHOLE life.

But there are days I wake up and I'm like..."Emma, you are a craaazy person!"
Who does this? Who gives their life fully and wholly to this "Almighty Being?"
But I love it. I love being "weird." I savor every moment "I'm in the world and not of it." Because even on the days when I think, "What are you doing with your life?" All I have to do is take a good look around.

All I have to do is look at the faculty who have dedicated their lives to this ministry and are committed to capturing youths mind for the Lord. At the staffers who come here for the summer and read books and fellowship. They say no to the parties and whatever the rest of "the cool kids" are doing.

And most importantly at the students. From the ones who get paid to be here to the ones who have been saving up to come. Regardless, they are here and in one way or another whether they know it or like it the Lord will be moving.
I most certainly did not arrive on my own free will when I was a student two years ago at the end of what I refer to as "my bleeding heart stage" but I left knowing that God is real and sovereign and that from now on that would be an absolute in my life. That truth was something that could and would be steadfast.

But, it didn't keep me from the world. I proceeded to engage myself in materialism and party like habits. I didn't protect my heart, went to church when it was convenient etc etc
But God, he is graceful. To me, that means getting things I don't deserve. Every day I get things I don't deserve. Including, but obviously not limited to the Sacrifice of the Lamb. I can confidently say I have gotten everything I have ever wanted in some way shape or form. And a lot of times not on my time.

But that's part of the beauty of this faith. Knowing that He knows me better than I know myself and that His timing is perfect.
I want to get married really badly. Like so badly, it's a joke. And I love that I can pursue Him every day and be so in love with Him and so obsessed with Him and it's not weird or creepy. He loves it, He encourages it.

So that's what I'm doing here right now. That's what I have been doing. Pursuing the Lord. Hiding my heart in Him so that one day when someone God created for me (because He knows me better than I know myself) wants to pursue me, He'll have to fall at the foot of the cross. Because that's where I am. That's where I want to stay and grow and praise and worship and cry and laugh.
At the foot of the cross. I'm a servant for Him.

I die daily, for Him

Because he delivers me.

...into Grace.


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